I am David..

Again

2007-04-15T20:39:00.000-07:00

Now I'm in Artd250, or Digital Arts 1. This is my first project, I had to remove all the text from a photograph of a store front. This is it:

Ninja + Computer Virus = Zombies

2007-03-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

I made a video for digital arts....here it is:

who knew

2007-03-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

lately I've been intrigued by weird things:

1. The U.S. Military and it's respective companies, specifically the rankings and becoming a high ranking official. For example, did you know that the highest positions of the different military companies are as follows:

Air Force --- CMSAF Chief Master Sergeant (of the Air Force)
Army --- SMA Sergeant Major (of the Army)
Marine Corps --- SrgtMajMarCor [they must be too badass to simplify to just letters] Sergeant Major (of the Marine Corps) ... also, the current one looks like Scott's boss...
Navy --- MCPON Master Chief Petty Officer (of the Navy)
Coast Guard --- MCPOCG Master Chief Petty Officer (of the Coast Guard)

So this got me thinking to how cool it would be to be the most elite member of each branch. Also, it'd be cool to be a Navy SEAL because they are badass. Unfortunately I'd probably fail every one of their tests.
conclusion: The military is pretty badass.

2. Biology Illustrations like that of Mr. Ernst Haeckel. (What a cool looking dude right?)

Somehow this guy drew up some absolutely amazing illustrations of all sorts of creatures. Unfortunately it seems like some of his illustrations were made up and on top of that he was pretty racist, they (wikipedia.org) even say he influenced the Nazis a bit. But they also say he made some pretty big scientific discoveries and created lots of science terms like phylum. Most of all though he was a gifted artist; I only wish I had the skills he had.
Conclusion: Ernst Haeckel was/is pretty badass

3. Bats and Birds. Studying the impacts on these two from wind turbines is pretty interesting; more so however, is the animals themselves. They look cool, they are tiny, and they have freaking wings. Normally I get creeped out by bats, but I've looked at some pictures and think they're pretty cool. I'm sure if I saw one in real life I'd revert back to my disgust, but maybe not.
Conclusion: Birds and Bats are pretty badass

That's it for now. I've got work to do.

2.22.07

2007-02-22T22:45:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from my studies to write this guy. The studies I speak of are actually a paper I'm writing for J202-Information Gathering. At first I thought it was dumb that everyone called it info hell, but now I may be getting it. It's not that it's terribly difficult, it could be incredibly simple if you know what you're doing, it's more that no one told us what to do. Our professor pretends to be a kind mother-type figure who will "guide" us through the class, but in actuality she gives us a deadline and tells us to get to it. When students have questions she either scowls at them and doesn't reply, or she gives an i'm-unbelievabley-impressed-with-myself-right-now look and then follows it with "What do you think?"
Well, the thing is teach, I have no clue. If I did I wouldn't be asking you; if I did this paper would have been done weeks ago.
I would really like to see her write a 100 page research paper with as little information on how to do it as we have.

With that said, I'm pretty happy with my current situation. Life is good, school is good, and my health is intact. We’re approaching the end of week seven of ten + finals, which means we’re close. After this term it’s a week at home for as much pointless, self-satisfying, instant gratification as possible. Then it’s ten more weeks of equally time consuming classes and then summer. That will signify the completion of my second year of college -nearly my third in credits. After about a month of summer I’ll be heading down to Australia- if all goes well. I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t be accepted; my grades are good and I’m emotionally stable so the chances are good.

I feel completely detached from my past. It’s almost as if high school didn’t happen, it feels so long ago. I haven’t seen or talked to any of my old friends from high school, save the few I see on campus and Jeff and Anneliese. Some of the time I care, I’d partly like to see them and say hi, but mostly I don’t have the will to put forth the effort. It feels weird. Right now I’m focused on my school and getting done as early as I can, and it’s working for me. Back to work.

Kids Food

2007-01-22T23:31:00.001-08:00

The other day I ordered two kids meals without intending to. They were my lunch and dinner and they tasted good. I guess I was in a mood.

Out with the old and in with the new

2007-01-08T22:50:00.000-08:00

There are going to be a lot of changes in the near future and I am going to be a lot busier than most. To begin with I'm taking a substantial load of five classes this term (including Info Gathering, and Grammar). So look forward to a hopefully more mature and grammatically correct writing style. In addition to that, I will be applying to the Australia study abroad program for this coming fall term. Not to mention over the break I became fired up about alternative energy and now wish to take it upon myself to become an expert in the field and a possible lobbyist, but mostly just knowledgeable enough to shove it down everyone’s throats and work towards a change. My only hope is that these won't be the fads of last month and that I'll keep up with my work and goals (and correspondence).
Until next time; i'll be researching and writing away.

A few of the renewable energy sources available.

This stuff is a good idea. I'm excited to learn a lot about it and to grasp the knowledge well enough to share it with everyone. The environment is important. Notice "the" not "our," because we don't own it, and thats half of the problem we have right now: stop acting like you own it.

check it out

2006-11-17T01:32:00.000-08:00

This one is going to be short because I don't have much to say. However, I do think each and every one of you should read this thing:

http://blogs.bootsnall.com/SteveFnbrg/

I would love to travel around the world. The thing is I need to earn some major bling before I do that. So for now I'll work on saving money, then in the summer I'll try and make a whole bunch. With luck I'll be ready for a trip when I graduate, a really really long world-wide trip.

Also, if you haven't been to youtube lately, go there, watch some stuff, and let me know what you've come up with. I am especially fond of some of these shorts and how creative people are. It's very cool.

gooh

2006-11-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

I spend over two hours watching television tonight. I can't believe how much crap they put in there. It's not the shows, I like the Office and I like Grey's, the thing I can't stand the commercials, product placement, and selfless advertising going on. It's gross. "oh hey WILLIAM SHATNER will be hosting our show next week! Make sure to tune in to the guy who has already milked his freaking career to death." "I love to shred paper, let me use this staples premium shredder and tell how it can even shred CD's, just like it showed on the commercial right before this clip." It's disgusting, and it's what I'm supposed to be learning to fix. In my J399 class we're learning to be better than that, create helpful, global altering advertising. We don't want advertising that hurts society and the world, and I'm pretty sure that's like 98% of stuff out there right now. It's gross and it makes me feel sick. Why do people have to suck so bad so often? Scott told me the other day his uncle ran into Justin Timberlake on a basketball court a while back. Rather, his uncle was denied access to a public court because Justin Timberlake was an ass and didn't give up the public basketball court. I've heard a ton about celebrities that are douche bags; what the hell? No one should be rude, especially super privelaged people who have it all.
That basketball comment thing made me think of a conversation i had with Mark about athletes. I say they're not important, and especially a significant amount less important than teachers, but they get screwed with paychecks. He argued that this wasn't true. Whether or not he was serious he actually kept up an argument that they are role models and junk, but honestly that doesn't matter. If you got rid of one of them, which is more likely to be missed? Without teachers you don't have educated and enriched children, without athletes you don't have......? You don't lose much. I don't care, I applaud their skills and all, but I don't care. Thats my rant for tonight.

CRAP

2006-11-15T23:47:00.000-08:00

It's been a short day

2006-11-10T02:11:00.000-08:00

Time seems to pass extremely fast these days. I've spent most of today doodling and thinking of things to make, create, etc. I've also been freaking out. I've got a lot of stuff that's due in my J399 class in the next few weeks and it's going to take a lot of work. I'm sure I can do it, but I don't want the stress. I need infinite free time without worries so I can create at my own leisure. This is what I made today.

I'd say I'd look good as a member of South Park, and if they wanted to they could absolutely add me. I could be the cool new kid.
This one at the bottom isn't done yet. I need to redraw the pres because he's needed to be larger and got blurry when I did it. Then I need to alter the backround so the transition from dems to repubs is cleaner and less of a cut-off.

update

2006-11-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

Democrats won senate too....

The Election of 06

2006-11-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

Today has been a huge day in Politics. The results of Tuesday’s elections are being finalized and changes are being made.
For starters the Democratic Party has gained a majority in the house with 229 members, a large gain of 25 for them. In the Senate, the Democrats gained five new members, and are currently awaiting the results of Virginia- a very close race with a tiny .3% lead for the Democratic challenger. But with that said, the .3% equates to approximately 7,200 votes, so it may be highly likely that the Democrats will also take the Senate. This means a shift in power, and hopefully a change in policies for the final two years of Bush's office. It also brings more of a balance in power, having a republican president and a democratic senate and house seems pretty fair and balanced.
In other political news, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld retired from his position today. I think this might have risen out of the fact that Bush and Rumsfeld have noted that with a shift of American votes to the left, we all want to see changes implemented, and perhaps many of us don't agree with what's happening abroad. All of this is extremely interesting and hopefully bring some changes to our countries politics.
On a smaller scale I have to say I'm pleased with the failure of measure 43 in Oregon, but am somewhat disheartened that so many bans on same sex marriages passed. Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wisconsin. Tennessee and South Carolina had a staggering 81% and 78% in favor, respectively, while most others were closer to the 50% mark. Either way, I disagree, and that is that. Marijuana is still illegal, and parental notification (the measure I spoke of above) didn't pass anywhere else. Also, stem cell research is allowed in Missouri, in part I'm sure, because of Michael J. Fox and his campaign with Claire McCaskill who also won a spot in Senate.

Some interesting visuals I came across in the NY Times displayed the differences from this election season and past. A few large differences were.

and so on...but pretty interesting how dramatic the differences are over six years.
So that's what I think people should be reading about, the elections, what's going on, and how changes are going to affect us.

and that was that.

2006-11-07T23:24:00.000-08:00

I waste so much time, if only it could have gone to someone who would have used it. Once again I didn't accomplish much of anything today. Most of what I completed can be seen above. I played with brushes and let my mind wander.

It's true...

2006-11-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

For the first time in a long time I had the urge to learn and really educate myself. I immediately went to CNN and read the top stories of the day, then looked into the political stuff going on, mainly involving the elections and read up on stuff. Then I headed over to NY Times and read some articles about the elections and some information about the results of the Saddam Hussein trials. That then led me to think about Iraq and how little I know about the conflicts going on there, which in turn led me to my favorite informative site, wikipedia.
Overall, I learned a bit more about the world, and I really hope I continue to do this kind of thing. My ultimate goal being that I can declare myself a useful and informed member of society. I don't want to be one of the 30-40% of Americans who don't know what's going on, or who important people in our government are. I don't like that, and I don't like that a comment like, "it was awhile ago, and it happened in Europe" from my German teacher can be brushed of so casually and accepted as an okay reason for not understanding another culture. I want to stop that, and hopefully I can. I think people are capable, they just don't try, and aren't being fed the necessary dosage of correct information.
Anyway, if I president everyone would be super smart and help society grow positively, but that'd be in my idealistic world, and unfortunately that doesn't exist.

Also: do you hate this women as much as I do? Go ahead, look at the other things she posts. It's not that I am not open to others ideas, but I honestly can't stand crazy super republican people, they bug the crap out of me. Any crazy super whatever people for that matter. Crazy super religious, for example. Maybe I'd be okay with crazy super intelligent, or crazy super creative people, yeah, they'd be cool.

The Weekend

2006-11-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

In two and a half weeks Thanksgiving will be here. Then in two weeks after that we'll have Christmas break. That's exciting.
I went to the game on Saturday.
I hung out with Jared and Scott and other people at Jared's house. That was interesting.
I've got a lot of work ahead of me.
Two weeks for my individual J project, four or so for the group one.
German project to work on, and constant homework.
Those are the big ones. I want to go home this coming weekend, which means I have to work extra hard this week. Then it'll be lots of work to get my project out before thanksgiving. I hope it turns out like I had imagined, or better.

Bringin Sexy Back....

2006-11-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

It rains, and it rains, and it rains, and that is Oregon.
I've been having the urges to get back into writing here, but I haven't really brought myself to do it. Finally though, I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things and write almost everyday if possible.
Despite is being miserable outside I kind of like it. It makes you want to go inside and get warm and then just hang out, or in my case, spend hours upon hours on my computer.

I thought I wrote better back in the day, now it feels quite choppy and not any way like I talk. Like just then, I completed a sentence and didn't leave any room to expand on it. I'm going to have to work on this.

As for the happenings and thoughts of late:
I'm super excited that today is Friday. It means no responsibilities for the next few days and it means I can hopefully finally relax and sleep and play video games and stuff. I've been pretty busy with the 21 credit load I'm taking this term. Towards the beginning of the year it was managable- and it still is to a degree- and everything kind of fell into place. But lately I've been having projects and papers all due at the same time, as if it's been worked out among all the teachers to assign things at the same time, and then to allow us to take a break at the same time as well. The major things on the agenda are my individual and group project for my Creativity and content class. By the way, that class is fantastic, I enjoy the stimiluation it's given me to begin creating ideas and art again. I've drawn more often than I have any other time in my life, and I've been thinking harder too I think. Not to mention the great professor who teaches it, she's way cool, like a mix of my old English teacher Miss Shigamasa and my leadership advisor and teacher Deb Monnier, then she also adds her own very cool personality. She's very contagious, and very fun. Then there is the newly assigned German group project. That one won't actually be too bad. There is a philosophy essay that we'll get on monday. Then in my other Journalism we get exercises every week or so. It doesn't actually sound like much, but they all take time, and obviously that resource is finite. In fact, every one of my resources is in some way limited, so unfortunatley I have to be smart and use them wisely.

I'll tell you what, Music is the key to life man. Just walk around for a few hours and listen to your Ipod or whatever technology you have. Then note the different feelings you have because of the muisc. It's fantatsic! Who would have thought one thing could completely change the scenario and in most of my instances make it so much more surreal and powerful. Putting your music on shuffle is especially effective in creating different moods.

We had an advertising guy come into class yesterday and he gave us some pretty cool ideas. he said, there are ten ways to become a more interesting person.

1.Always Carry A Camera.
-take a photo a day, at least.
-share what you've done.
2. Keep a Scrapbook.
3. Start a Blog!
4. Record a 20 minute interview with someone.
5.Sit in a coffee shop for an hour and make notes of other people's converstaions.
6. Every week read a magazine you've never read before.
7. Collect Something.
8. Read: Understanding Comics, The Mezzanine, and The Visual Display of Quantitative Information.
9. Write 50 words about a piece of art, a piece of music, and a piece of film every month.
10. Talk to your Parents.

So the goal is to just do those for a while, and hopefully come up with some other neat things to do with my life. Hoorah!

7.2.06

2006-08-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

As August the second slowly approaches its end I think over what I've done with my summer. The answer is nothing. It's been nearly two months, or more closely a month and a half, but the fact remains, the summer is almost over and I haven't done nearly what I had hoped to in the time I've had.
True, I've made some money. Thank you New Seasons. But other than working what have I done? I thought about it last night and I couldn't come up with many things. I've gone to the beach with B, and that was a blast. But what else have I done? I can't even remember. I went mountain biking with Jeff once around Hagg Lake, and now he's gone.
I want to go with him. I like the idea of getting up and leaving. In fact, it's been what I've been thinking about the most as of late. My co-workers share one specific thing in common, or at least have all taught me one thing, and that is there is no need to rush through life, and you can make it anywhere, be it Oregon, Russia, Korea, Greece, Australia, and so on. I've met so many people who have just picked up and changed their lives and they're happy. I feel incredibly constricted to my lifestyle. The only escape really is going to be a year down the road if I work up the mindset to go into the study abroad and ask lots and lots of questions, who knows, maybe I could pull it off for a spring term abroad. All I know is I feel like I need change, room to grow, but at the same time I love the comfort of home. It's a tough bind, and my head has been going through all the options, and I've been stressing and it's been hard. Not nearly as hard now that I look at it from an outsider perspective. I don't know what it is that I have problems with but I'll work things out.
Here is what I know:
I want to be better at life and at things I do. I want to be more motivated and work harder at things. I also want to relax, exercise and be healthier. I need to create and have an outlet for stresses, as well as a place to unwind- I've found reading to help a lot.
Speaking of which I read the book Sputnik Sweetheart and I don't get it. I liked how it was written and I like the story, but I know there is a bigger message, but it's escaping my thoughts. I wish I was better at that.
Overall though, today went pretty well. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents Judson and mom, which was nice, I've been working a lot during my family’s free times and haven't spent time with them in a long time. I finished a few projects I'd been working on, but I made a list of things to do and didn't accomplish everything.
It could have been better if I'd worked out when I wanted to, in the morning, but instead I got caught up in a project and chose not to go. I will have to work hard to get what I want, and be healthier and exercise is the first step, if I don't start doing that it's only going to get harder. I also have been meaning to write a letter to Scott Richards, but have failed to do that. Tomorrow is a new day and with it brings a new time. I'll be 19 soon, but I know that won't change a thing, except that if I so choose I can go up to Canada and get boozed up. Highly unlikely. Goodnight, I'll now play guitar for a bit before bed. I want to make the most of the rest of my summer, and the only person who can help me is myself.

This is one of the better ones;

Mostly Drivel

2006-04-10T00:43:00.000-07:00

It appears to that tonight is going to be one of those long nights, spent thinking of a million thoughts and never quite coming to rest until I'm completely exhausted. I don't know exactly what these thoughts are; they feel like they're going to fast. I know a few of them involve Lost, and the various things involved with watching it; trying to figure people out, putting myself in their place, questioning which character I'd be if I were there, all these seemingly childish thoughts. Then a lot of them involve something else, this sort of deep longing for something. The latter are the ones getting to me the most at the moment. It's a deep down feeling, where I'm trying to set up these situations that would be 'perfect.' Summer plans, random hopes, and a large amount of connections through music and the feelings I have when I listen to certain songs. Overall it's a good thing, they aren't causing me pain, or making me sad, I just wish they'd happen. One thing is personal appearance. I want to make sure I'm perfect. I know no-one is perfect, but I want to be close. I know lots of it I can't change, and that is what makes me most angry, I was born like this and I can't help it. I have no choice. I can beef up, but I can't arch my feet, or remold them to look less ugly. They are indeed ugly, it reminds me of a cutout of a foot, but instead of having nicely carved toes, even and straight, the artist was drunk or a child and shook, creating jagged uneven toes. Then there is body heat. I'm always freaking hot, and I freaking sweat at the most inconvenient times, like while playing video games. I ought to permanently wear gloves really. And watching these attractive muscular people tromp around this island makes me one, want to lose the bad flaws of mine, then their surviving in this incredible- all be it, make-believe situation- makes me want to be capable of things. I can't hunt, can't start fires, can't help wounded people, I couldn't survive in that situation. I want to be useful and do something with my life. I've only lived 18 years so I've got no real rush, nor should I worry about "doing something with my life," but saying that doesn't change anything. I really want to do something cool, fun, exciting. As of right now I don't have any really cool stories to tell anybody. Well I may have a few; I've traveled to a foreign country with one of my best friends, just the two of us. That's pretty rad, and I've gone clubbing in a foreign country and stayed out past 6 a.m. doing so, which is pretty neat, but that’s not really accomplishing much. I didn't meet anybody, or having any life altering experiences there.
I admire nature, I understand that. I could walk around a new place and find hundreds of things I like to look at. Hiking last week was amazing; walking in Germany brought me to some of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. I wish I could document all this amazing stuff; the pictures I take don't do justice. And it's not even strictly nature, its all things around me, which is intriguing. I like having this view of life. Like the other day, when I was walking into a room to eat some pizza I stopped myself at the doorway and saw what I thought to be a great shot, a great mental image that I only wish I could have captured. It was late in the day, around six, and the sun was low and shining in through large full length windows, some of which were blocked by blinds. The shadows created by the blinds bent across the floor and contrasted with the bright spots in between them, all of this shining on a slate-grey tile floor. Then a bit farther into the room was a large light green rug under a foosball table, and the shadows created by that added to the ones created by the windows. And to add to all of that the wall opposite of where I was standing was made of vertical pieces of wood, completing the composition. And it was a natural composition at that, not that the things involved were natural, but no one had set that up, for just an occasion, it was just the beauty of things. This kind of natural composition happened again after I had finished a long warm shower. I was extremely relaxed and using the empty room as a retreat from noise and people, and I sat on the bench, wrapped in my robe, and looked across the room. On the wall made of ceramic tiles was a long row of hangers connected by a large beam of wood, and hanging on one of those hooks was my towel, wrinkled in a completely spontaneous way, but it looked great. The towel, and the hooks, and the wood, and the tiles, it just all went together so well. I like finding those kinds of things. I am continually impressed with them and it is extremely reassuring to know that there can be beauty everywhere, and I'll find it. If I had my way I would spend all my time traveling around the world and just marvel in the gorgeous scenery.
So there is that outlet in life. Then there is music. I love music. I like that it lets you be creative. You can listen to any song and close your eyes and you'll imagine something. It helps me think, and relax, and get away from things. In a stressful situation all you need to do is plug some headphones into your Ipod, or CD player, or computer even, and then lay back and listen, and think, and drown yourself in the music. Feel the music...
I wonder if it's better to let my mind wander the way it does or if I ought to be more of a realist. It's easier, more entertaining to dream about things, but it makes it hard when they don't happen.
I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with myself, or what my future will contain. I want to say I need a radical 180° change in my lifestyle, to shake things up and figure things out, but I don't know that I could handle it. I need a simple, comfortable lifestyle, that’s how I survive. I want happiness. I have quite a bit of it too. I have an immense amount of fortune in life, and I am incredibly grateful for it, for the people in my life, for my life.

All this is is a lamp, but look at it, it's great to look at

Who looks at a glass in a sink and says, "hey that looks cool" then takes a picture

The sky through my windshield

a lizard

The 7th, the day after

2006-04-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a week already, of course, longer than that since the last post, but for me and for the new term, it's been a week. I've experienced a bit of every one of my new classes and I'm happy with how things are going. I don't know how much of this is the weather, which has been amazing thus far, but I think this term is already getting off to a much better start than the rest of the terms have. My classes are interesting, I'm psyched about german everyday and the possibilities of getting back into the swing of speaking german, if I ever was. It's interesting to me the things I remember and the things I don't about it, certain words stay in, others have completely escaped me, but for the most part I don't recall much of the grammatics of the german language. I get conjucation fairly well, and once I see the words I seem to remember them decently, but the sentence structure and how that changes from the change of the tense is tough to learn. I'm excited to get further into my music class; as of right now we've covered what I learned last term in theory, but it's soon to pick up. Who cares, I'm not going to care how I felt about school when I look back at this. I'll say this: I'm taking Journalism 201: mass media and society, Arts and Administation: Controversies in Visual Art, German 103, Writing 122, and Intermediate Guitar skills. They are good.

Now, the weather is great, and while I won't care about that much either; nice days occur all the time, the thing I might care about, and I do right now, is how it affects me. I feel better with longer, warmer, sunnier days. It's not an angst for summer. I'm fine being in school, and school doesn't even take up much of my time, so I can do activities if I wish, and I do. Thats something, I want to get out and do things, and now I'm much more likely to do them. I've exercised like four out of the past five days. Thats cool. I've run, lifted weights, played soccer, frisbee, wrestled, and I want to do more. I want to spend time outside, being active and healthy. I want to learn new skills, stupid stupid skills I won't ever need but that I want for the fact of having them in case I wanted them. That one comes from getting into the first season of 'Lost'. I want to know that I'd be useful really. I can easily see myself as being the Charlie guy, maybe minus the drugs. I have yet to delve into that world, and doubt I ever will, or any of that sort anyways, the hardcore kind. I highly doubt I'd be the doctor type, as much as I wish I could. Blah. Why, when I think about things does it seem it always ends out discussing negatives... DZ OUT

news

2006-03-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

New decision: I don't ever ever want to be in a fight. I thoroughly dislike real violence. Movies and video games are fake, so they're not as big of a deal. If movies are gross, like history of violence, i don't want to see that either. But for the most part, the stuff we see doesn't have as much of an affect because it's not real. Video games I don't take seriously. But last night I saw a gross fight, rather heard, I chose not to watch. I don't like that stuff. It made he dislike even playing Halo, and put me in a really crappy funk.

Otherwise:

i went home this past weekend and enjoyed myself

we played pool

wrote a script for a mini music video deal

weathers been weird

later in the day, really weird

2006-03-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

This morning started out well, it was sunny, I had a good nights sleep, and I was going to ride my longboard to class. I went on my way to Econ, happy to get use out of my most recent buy, but around 10 till the hour, mostly during the morning and early afternoon, gets crowded. There were a lot of people so I was doing my best to weave in and out without stopping and getting off to walk. I hit an especially rough part and ended up bailing because I would have run into people. I sent my longboard into a nearby wood sign to stop it. As I went over to get it I got hit by a guy I had just weaved through. He elbowed my backpack which pushed me forward into the sign. Basically he was a deuche bag. That basically ruined the start of the day for me.
Then it was back to Speed and Agility, then lunch, which ended up putting me back into a good mood. Another assistance to my mood was the music choice of the day; rap. It was all rap. Kanye West, Jay-Z, Nelly, Outkast. It was really weird, I usually don't listen to that stuff all the time, but it was nice. This sounds stupid, so I'm going to stop.

I didn't eat candy, or sweets, and while I didn't get as much exercise, my speed and agility class is a good form of it for an hour, so count it.

Tea:

the hot pot

tea and homework

not tea, but another delicious beverage

MARDI GRAS

2006-03-01T01:11:00.000-08:00

Well for some today was Mardi Gras, a special day of celebrating I don't even know what. So how about a little history/ info on why there even is a mardi gras. It appears after thorough research using wikipedia, that Mardi Gras is the final day of Carnival, the religious, mostly Roman Catholic, season before the fasting of the Lent season. So they call it fat Tuesday, which occurs just before ash Wednesday on which we begin lent, the 40 days of fasting. Fasting was previously more strict and concerned meat, fish, eggs, and milk product and only one meal was allowed each day. But today it is considerably more relaxed. As far as I'm aware (what we do) now-a-days, on Friday’s you don't eat meat, but fish is allowed, and for the 40 days you either give something up, do something, or both. But my family likes to go the extra lenient yard, and we can do whatever we gave up on Sunday, which usually meant I gorged myself with sweets. This year I might have to do something different. I think I will do some form of exercise, be it rock climbing for an hour, running for thirty minutes, or lifting weights, every day. On top of that I shall give up sweets. Sweets= cookies, ice cream, and candy. See, not only is this a religious time, but also, it's a reason to be healthier. Now the count-down is on. And I'll have to give a daily update of how I'm doing, to make sure I don't cheat.

What we did today:

we learned "shorty" originally meant a young man, or just someone younger than you, but is now more commonly used as a 'fine female'.

caught goldfish in my mouth

hallway longboarding with recently purchased PIMP slippers

Just a friendly reminder to "please flush urinal after use"

Some Halo action, WHOA Scott, it's just a game

the makings of a delicious midnight snack

Today in the world

2006-02-28T01:05:00.000-08:00

[not actually today, but I'm jealous] UK Robbers stole over 53 million pounds (around $93 million)

Bird flu is spreading all around the world: newly in Niger, Gujarat and others

More people want to make Nuclear Bombs

People in New South Wales, Australia are smart and are considering banning smoking in a new place; cars.

and finally

Everyone still likes puppies

2.27.06

2006-02-26T22:32:00.000-08:00

Behind Lillis

Scott "Howitzer" Heter

Ye Shall Know The Truth

New Idea

2006-02-25T15:25:00.001-08:00

Since I don't write in this as frequently as I wish due mostly to lack of motivation to write anything neat, or lack of neat things to write about, I'm just going to start posting pictures. So:

I recently made a purchase, now I can cruise up and down the streets.

One of my favorite pictures while being on the Willamette river.

What a real-life hand would look like if it were a cartoon.

Long time exposure of a moving match in black and white.

it's been a while

2006-01-31T15:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, and since the last time things have been going pretty well. For one I like school much more than the last term, my classes are somewhat more stimulating, either the homework load is less, or my knowledge is higher, but either way I'm doing much better. I had a midterm in economics, to my surprise, yet somehow without studying I did well or so I think. I had a test in Anthropology and did well on that so things are good.

It's true what they say about exercise, it does make you feel better. So I ask you, are you feeling shitty? Or at least sub-par? If so please, lace up those running shoes, don the proper apparel and get out on run, bike, or any other number of activities. Make it somewhat hard and then go through with it, because once you accomplish something that took a lot of effort you feel good about yourself. You may be sore, but that doesn't really matter, it's not a big deal. I'm sure you can find something you like. Scott and I happened upon rock climbing last week and have been doing it a lot. We took the weekend off (Hannah was here) and then I went back and did it yesterday and it felt good to do it. I also ran last week, which felt especially good, and have been taking a speed and agility class that is quite demanding. All of the physical activity has my mind wandering. I want to try everything; bobsledding, surfing, skydiving, sailing, kayaking, curling even, and do more of hiking, camping, and other outdoor activities.

Those, along with other things, have been on my mind. I've been daydreaming a lot recently, about all sorts of things. Growing older and going on a camping trip with a guitar and playing and hiking and such was one of them. That was exciting to think about and I'd like to do it sooner than later. Perhaps this summer, like San Juan Islands, that has biking, hiking, camping, kayaking, and beautiful sites. That is an all in one package right there. I would be ready to do that.

Another day dream has been getting a job this summer, and where and what I'd like to be doing. Ideally I'd be an intern at Intel or some other major corporation perhaps in the advertising department. I'm going to look into that, but otherwise what is most important, personally is a strict schedule, like one I'd get there. I'd love 7-4 every weekday or something like that where I could get in, do my work, and get out. With those hours I could do stuff in the evening, and most importantly on weekends.

While showering not more than twenty minutes ago I thought about becoming president. It's crazy because I haven't the least idea of what would take a good politician or what is important, or even what the subject matter is. All I was thinking about, in my innocence, was being the nicest guy ever. I'd have lived in a foreign country with a well-oiled economy and national healthcare and picked up tips from that, and worked on fixing the problems here. I'd be completely honest, which would probably hurt some people, but knowledge is good, and honest knowledge is the best, I think. I don't know if you can even do that on a national level, but I can dream, and so I shall. I'd continue to do cool things like climbing, and hiking, and camping, and tennis, and soccer, and so on. Sailing would be neat. I would want to have a term where no wars were in affect because that would let me focus on other important issues, and defense spending could be lessened. I don't know if that’s good either, which is why I'd have advisors, and they'd inform me on what is best, and their character would be important to me. And if they made a mistake based on what they thought was a good idea, it'd be alright, we'd fix it, and try again, but if they did it for personal gain or something they'd be fired. haha, I CAN FIRE WHOEVER I WANT SUCKA! I thought about talking to advisors in this sort of manor:

"How would I go about finding how much we're spending on things like staplers, I heard the last president paid 240 dollars for one. That's ridiculous; I don't want to be doing that."
"Oh, well, I've got that right here for you, see, we've been using staples and saving loads of cash. Sir, your stapler was only $20, mind you it was a heavy duty one, remember David, you've got lots of shit to staple."
"You're right, I do. Why, just yesterday I stapled together a 45 page document. Which leads me to my next topic: I want to further condense our document lengths. Are we recycling all this paper we're wasting?"
"Yes sir, we're very recycling friendly."
"Cool, right, so that document I stapled was originally 500 pages, but those extra 455 pages were unnecessary. They took too long to explain things. I think we can even get the 45 pages down to 15 at max. Short and simple guys, we don't need to impress people, the content is important, not the wording."
"Right you are D-money, can I call you D-money?"
"Eh, can I call you JJ?"
"Where'd that come from? My name is Stanley Frents. JJ isn't even my initials."
"Have you ever seen Spiderman? JJ is the boss of the daily bugle and it has a ring to it, you know?"
"Well I suppose if you want, I won't really catch on for a while though, I'll have to learn to respond to it."
"Oh don't worry, I imagine I'll slip and call you plain on Stan most often."
"Alright D-money, what is next?"
"Fat kids and adults, for that matter. We have too many fat people, that was one thing they, and when I just now referred to they I meant the people I talked to in Germany and Austria, said. They said, 'Well Mr. Zavertnik, one major problem with America is that everything is big.' And I said to him, 'that’s a problem?' He said, 'not always, the skyscrapers are cool, as are the lakes and large plains and such, it's the people I'm referring to.' And that’s how it went, and I couldn't agree more. Can we get people to eat healthier and exercise JJ?"
"Oh right, that’s me, its possible sir..."
"Call me D-money if you want, I just called you JJ after all."
"Okay D-money. Now see, that just takes too long to say, how about D?"
"Okay."
"Ahhh, so that was a lesson, you got me not to call you that stupid name without saying I couldn't. Effective, nice work."
"Thanks, I try. So what can we do about fat people....."

Yep, that would be David “El Presidente” Zavertnik. And I’d know a lot about what was going on, so while I do have advisors, I’d have a good idea of what I was going to do anyways. That was a good thought. Now I’m going to listen to music and figure out what else I want to be when I grow up. Life is good right now, and will increase is greatness in a little more than 24 hours. Yes!

Also: I like good music and guitar quite a bit and would enjoy being able to make good music with my guitar.

2006-01-18T00:09:00.000-08:00

Gah! I want to write but I don't feel inspired. suck. life is good. Relationships are amazing, no wonder people have them. More on that later.

News

2006-01-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

This post won't be extremely long nor will it be enthralling, but it will be informative. After thinking about my future and attending my first Studio for Architecture I came to a realization, I really don't think I want to pursue it, either as a major or as a career. I sat for fifty minutes listening to the histories of the eight professors teaching the studios and just thought, "You know, I don't think I want to be like that." I don't know if I am that interested in the material and in designing housing and industrial complexes. The commitment level for this major is incredible, you are required to be in the studio twelve hours a week and asked to spend as much time as possible there. Meaning you will spend most all available time in it, which is fine, if you love it, but I just wasn't feeling it. I don't know if it means I gave up too easy or was scared out of it, but I really feel I'm doing the right thing. I'm figuring out what I want to do with my life by expanding my opportunities (another deal with ARCH is lack of availability for other classes, you eventually get stuck, and it's already happening, now, after dropping it I've gotten into three classes I am interested in and work towards significant non-major credits).

So my classes:

Economics 101- Contemporary Economic Issues
Speed and Agility
Physics 202- General Physics
Music- Guitar Theory
Anthropology- Evolution of Human Sexuality

So there it is, David the recently Major-Undecided student is feeling around and checking out his options. This will be a good term.

Another day a New Year

2006-01-01T01:15:00.001-08:00

I always get a bit scared thinking about the concept of New Years, on one side it's extremely exciting to get a chance to do new things and better yourself, on the other it's scary; I'll be losing a lot of good things I had going and getting new scary things thrown at me. I can remember good memories from this past year and things to come in this new one and I'm afraid of losing them. Memories are obviously already in the past but to think that time is gone forever kind of sucks. But then the new things are like not seeing people as often. I can remember one New Year that I cried when I thought of how I really won't see josh or Jake much any more. And it's the same now; Jake's going to Austria and if I don't see him in the next few months, which as funny as it sounds is sort of likely, I won't see him for nine whole months. That's such a long time, imagine it, a baby could be born in that time. I could grow a huge ass beard if I were able to grow a full beard. My hair could be to my shoulders nearly. We will look different and probably be a bit different from the last time we talked, but that’s the difference between family and friends, because Jake and I will always be close, no matter the time or change in interests. I like that. I wish I could create it with more people.

A few goals of the New Year:
-Meet new people
-Get friends at college
-Write a Children’s book
-Practice guitar and get good
-Exercise and get/stay fit
-Make it to every class on time
-Go camping at least twice
-Do what feels right
-Rob a bank
-Join clubs at school
-Go hiking at least ten times during the summer (one of which is part of the Pacific Crest Trail)
-Read a minimum of 24 books this year
-Bike a lot
-LEAD A MORE EXCITING LIFE!!!

It's just my thing to get super attached to a song when I hear it and love it, and although I don't want to kill a song, I think this song fits the mood perfectly.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

"In my life"- The Beatles (lyrics by JL)

Someday I will grow a beard and be good looking with it

2005-12-29T02:37:00.000-08:00

I finally saw the Notebook tonight, and that was a good movie. I liked it and it would be pretty freaking amazing to rebuild an entire house. That's the sort of thing I need to do with my life, forget going to school, I can't do anything with that. I want to build crap, and how about rebuilding a whole entire house. I'd need to get great skills becuase if I tried that at my current level of skills my house would suck and probably fall apart. Also, I didn't cry, which was unexpected since everyone said I would. Both of my brothers did, which I guess just means I'm the badass of the family. hahah! But it is a bit weird. I would imagine I'd have if they did. I really don't know. All I can say it I liked it. Maybe since I knew how it was going to end, not because I'd seen or heard but just guessed. Also the old couple. After like four minutes into it when he was reading the story to her I guessed it was Noah and Allie. Kudos to the author of that book for being extrememly sweet, but that was an extremely sweet story.
I had fun tonight and I'll tell you why, or at least what I did. I went out to lunch which is far from tonight, but began a very good day. I had good food and then moved onto home. Jake, Meg and Calli went to see Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe but I stayed in and played Sims 2. Then Becky and I hung out until dinner, of which I came home and ate really tasty leftovers from Christmas dinner. The whole good food thing made for a really good day. Then after dinner I headed back over to the Uptons and began the Notebook. That was fun and nice and when that was done we started yet another movie. I don't remember the name but it was good. It was about some weird stuff thats actualy kind of hard to explain. Dead again! That was the name and Emma Thomspon was in it. It had two storylines to it. It was a good movie but I won't go into it. Be afraid of scissors to the throat though. Also, if you ever find yourself willed to dive across a room, be sure to check for large sculptures of rasor sharp scissors. Also, reincarnation is an interesting idea. I'm super tired right now but I have an idea I want to finish first. We played board games after the movie and I must say, I'm a terrible person when introduced to board games. I get super competitive for some reason. I feel like a big jerk. I get defensive about rules and crap and say stupid things that don't really matter. I don't really like it at all. It makes me upset that I get so riled up about a stupid game, I should be more friendly like everyone else. I don't need to win, winning isn't even important, I had a good time and I lost, so why even bother getting worked up about it. Moral: don't let me be a jerk during board games. In fact if I start doing it again I might just quit and do something else. Like renovate a mannor. I'm nearly passed out, it's 3. Goodnight.

I could have been tripping on LSD and come to the same conclusion

2005-12-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't written anything in quite some time and there is really no good reason as to why I haven't. I can't say I've been busy, because for the past week and a half I've been home with absolutely nothing to do.

Yes, I arrived home last Wednesday after a short day of finals and came home to empty. My dad was at work, my mom was visiting her parents, and my sister was at school. This trend continued all week, and then into this week that just now ended. So what have I been doing home alone all week and a half? I'll tell you: not a single thing. Sleeping in mostly until late morning to nearly afternoon. Watching television. Or reading. What a waste of perfectly good time. Alas, I've been relaxing, not that I have much to relax from. School wasn't stressful or terribly difficult so there is no real point to relax. The main idea is I've been doing what I have wanted to. I've run errands for my family when I pleased, as well as taken non-family members places as well. I've watched several movies, and actually I've already read an entire book. I did that after four days really. "Deception Point," was the book's title.

Now for something interesting I experienced last night:

So laying there, listening to the fuzzy synthesizer beats of Postal Services, "District Sleeps Alone Tonight," I glanced with my eyes half shut at the street pole outside my window. In doing so I experienced something oddly unique. It's not to say this action has never happened before, but I think this was the first time I noticed with such detail. Whenever you see a bright light, be it a street light, or headlights and you squint, the light spreads across your view towards invisible points. This was no different, when I squinted my left eye while keeping my right eye closed for a more focused view I witnessed what I believe was the human equivalent of apple's iTunes Visualizer. Based upon how open my eye was, the view would change. When my eye was nearly shut, all I saw was a minute little golden snowflake of light, and like a snowflake it was completely and precisely hexagonal. As I began to slowly open my eye the shape multiplied on itself and its individual parts became bigger. This was when the magic began, each piece was made of tiny golden dancers connecting at the feet, or the hands, or some at the head. It was unreal; absolutely enthralling. When have you ever seen golden figures no bigger than a millimeter, dancing in front of your eye? And it was like they knew I was watching, and would smile, and knew what I wanted from them, continuous motion. But unless I varied the amount my eye was open they would all freeze together, in the snowflake form, and become blurred so I couldn't distinguish their features. I could have kept going with it for hours had my eyes not become fatigued. Absolutely bizarre eh?

This following week shows much promise for me. Nearly all of my compadres will be home, and as it turns out, quite a few already were, so I’ll start doing more things. Not to mention Christmas is near and I’ll be busy with family and all that jazz. I love Christmas time so much, you have no idea. I dance all the time to the music, it’s no joke.

if I sit here long enough, I'll ramble off enough crap to make it interesting to read

2005-12-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

It's really nice when every once in a while you just get this feeling that you have it really good; people love you, you've got quite a lot for yourself, and you're in good health. It's time like these that I wish occurred more often, just think about it for a few seconds. Really, even when you feel you've got it rough, it isn't too bad right? Chances are whoever you are, someone is out there that loves you a lot, and that ought to help a lot. Yes, someone out there, when they hear your name, or imagine it, picture your face and smile.

There are also people out there who you annoy. Tonight I found a few people who fit into that category, actually a few times in the past few days. One of them is the drunken kids roaming the halls; they're stupid. Another is the freaking girl who recites my movie out loud while I'm trying to watch it, and also adds in certain factoids about the movie. I'll tell you something, in case we watch a movie together. I like to watch my movies, I like to get into them and not be completely distracted or be unable to hear what is being said. If you want to add a few witty comments or ask a question, go ahead. And if someone asks a question, assume it to be rhetorical, unless they specify that they want an answer. But if it's a movie you can make fun of, then that is the one situation in which I'm with you, especially crappy movies. Otherwise, let’s just use the time we have decided to dedicate to the film and watch it. Most of all I despise the quoting, the repetetive quoting, occasionally, like once, it's fine, it adds to it, gives it special importance, but otherwise let the acting stay with the actors. I just think I had a bad experience tonight, that's most of it.

I'd like to make as many excellent memories as possible in my life, and I need to work on that. I think I'm seriously lacking in that department, I think I have too many mediocre uninteresting memories. A good memory: The summer before junior year during a Student Council sleepover at the school we all went upstairs to the library and turned off all the lights, and the boys hid inside. Then each girl was shuffled through the library, down a certain path where guys would pop out and scare them until all the girls were in the library. Then we had a massive orgy. Actually that last part didn't happen, I made that up, and I thought it'd make for exciting reading. Another good memory: Summer after junior year, Jeff and I brought raspberry sorbet and starburst and Andes mints to Anneliese's house and helped her paint the ceilings of her house. We stayed over there until three or four in the morning because Jeff's parents were out of town, and I told my parents I was spending the night there. I wonder if that was dishonest. We did actually go over there and sleep after we left Anneliese's house, but I don't think I told my parents Jeff's family was gone. Where were they anyways, why were the two of their families out of town? They were probably having a secret family party where my family wasn't invited, because we're cool like that and don't get invited to things. But who needs other people's parties, we have fun. Speaking of which, one time when the power went out we brought candles to the kitchen table and played a few board games. That was fun, I love power outages, and I wish they'd happen for longer periods of time. That and snow. You know, now that I think of it, I've got some good clips of good memories. I can imagine having a little bit more freedom from family responsibilities, like being home on time, which I currently have at college, but none of my good friends to share it with, would make it easy to make good memories; you've got more time is mostly what it is.

So that's something. Is it me not wanting to get new friends? It seems like that must be it right, because other people have plenty of new friends; it's me not putting myself out there. In fact I'd say I'm pretty anti-social here. I don't like to do things that people invite me to. I watched a movie tonight, hesitantly because alcohol was present and I really didn't want to drink, nor have I. I really don't get why people can't just hold off, wait a few more years then do it legally. Or why they need to do it at all. It doesn't taste that good, and it being an acquired taste should mean something, like you oughtent get acquired to it. The time you acquire a taste for beer is the time you acquire yourself a nice beer belly. Or so I say. Sure I knock it, but I have in fact tried it, and have recently decided the only person I'll drink with thus far, illegally, will be my brother. But I just contradicted myself, why not wait I said and true dat. But I think one thing that turns me off of alcohol are the parties associated with it. I don't like them, and feel rather uncomfortable at them. I can't lie that after the initial hesitance and awkwardness of my time in Seattle I had a good time. Mostly the games are what are fun; I am a sucker for games. But to be honest I don't feel like drinking. I'm proud of myself for not drinking this term, and will continue to for the next. I think it's awfully cliché to go to college and drink a lot, like going here has some sort of significance that says, "go ahead, it's cool," and while that's what most people say, I'd rather not. I am not saying I disapprove of drinking. If you are safe, and by safe I mean in an environment where no one gets hurt and that is actually possible, and that includes responsibility, then whatever. I do get annoyed with some drunken people, but others are funny, here at college I haven't found too many funny ones though. Kids do some stupid things when they are drunk, and that’s what is most obnoxious. All in all, it's a personal choice.

Thinking about things now, my thoughts wander to life, and life is a weird weird thing. There is so much to it, it's ridiculous. What’s supposed to be important, some people say God, some say people, nature, preserving our world, freedom, so many things. It makes it hard to decide what to do with your life. I personally don't find being successful to be especially important. I would like to afford things I'm interested in, which is a tough thing to obtain without having lots of money. Right now the thing I want most of all is to be on the beaches of Mexico or the Caribbean with Becky. Simple enough, I want blue sky and white clouds above me, and soft warm sand under my feet, and clear blue waves crumbling near us. Or even a big scuba tank in my hand as I'm walking out to the boat. What seems really important to me is seeing beautiful things around me, and sharing it with people I care about. That must be it.

I'd take being here:

2005-11-30T23:49:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot of news coverage over these executions as of late and it's rather disheartening. I don't like that we're playing up the fact that the United States Judicial System has ruled for nearly 1,000 people to be killed. It's made me think about the death penalty quite a bit and I've come to the conclusion I don't agree with it, no matter what. I say this not having been in the position of having a family member, or dear friend killed by somebody, but I do hope if I were put into the situation I would keep my current ethical stance. My reasoning is that I think there are much more effective ways of dealing with those kinds of crime. There are a lot of aspects to look at with coming to this conclusion, one is how many people on death row are actually guilty. Minor possibly, but I've heard several stories of wrongfully accused criminals. In the event it was not a wrongful prosecution, it was still a terrible mistake, intentional or not. Killing someone is terrible, and the person who is responsible ought to face consequences, but not by death. If anything life-long sentences would be better; I'd say to make the person responsible understand what they did and live with a life on their hands. I also believe people can change; after serving an sentence I think the killer could right their wrongs and learn a new way of life, very much for the better. Most people would say they'd just go out and kill, but I think that's because they give up on the people. Not like we need to religiously "save" them, but teach them, help them to change and it could be better. The death penalty is a cop-out.

In other news it's dead week and I'm as lazy and relaxed as always. Too bad for the sucka's who be frettin' I got all my ish done before-hand and will now coast through the next five days until my fall term is over. I'm happy, content, would like to be home or have B come here, but a week isn't too long to wait. Life is good.

2005-11-23T03:31:00.000-08:00

It's 3:30 am and I'm finishing my paper for Architecture. It's my fault completely, but I am still going to complain. I'm tired. I don't want to do this. I wish I had, for once in my life, been a good student worked diligently. It's an 8 page paper, and now I have to revise it. This is going to take a bit of time and I want to sleep now. I am very excited to come home tomorrow. It'll be really nice to see Jeff since I haven't in some time. I think I'm actually going to spend most of this weekend with the family, for a change. Thing is, in a week and a half after this weekend I'll be home again, but this time for a month, so I'll get to visit a lot. I'm going to do neat things, or so I hope. For now I'll just finish my paper.

The night of nights

2005-11-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here at 10:30 pacific time, looking out through the thinning leaves of the tree situated outside of my window and I see the thick fog covering the air with bright lights adding a whimsical touch to the evening. But these lights are not just from the Student Rec Center's field, they also come from the blaring red and blue blinkers of the Lane County Ambulance parked outside of my dorm room. They're here because a girl from my hall, Kiki something has poisoned herself with alcohol. A few minutes ago I watched as it took three EMT's to hoist her limp torso onto the stretcher, and then next her legs, which at first would not sit right. They then wrapped her in the wool emergency blankets and walked her to the Ambulance.

Not more than twenty minutes before this escapade came a shattering noise from the hallway, just outside my door. I went outside to investigate and saw glass laying at the foot of my doorway and looked up to see a gaping hole where there once stood a window. Apparently a hack-e-sack had sailed through the air, accidentally of course, in fact as far as our RA is concerned from a clumsy pass from one player to another. In all actually Ben chucked it across the hallway trying to hit someone, except they moved. So perhaps $150 later we will have a brand new pane of glass to gaze through.

But this isn't the end of the evening. Because of all of this commotion, DPS, the Department of Public Safety, has come to investigate and is now on the first floor searching rooms. Of course first floor is the worst as far as drinking is concerned and DPS is sure to find the carelessly placed alcohol containers in several of the kid’s rooms.
This is College. As Jessie said, "I don't think I'm liking college," but despite these things, I can't say I completely agree with her. It's certainly an experience; you honestly don't know what will happen next. I can say that such events make me remember the innocent days of high school, only five months ago, where I had never seen anyone consume alcohol, or run into a drunk. Nor had I ever witnessed an acquaintance lifted onto a stretcher and taken away to the hospital. In fact I can't even recall a time when I had been in earshot of a recently broken window. I suppose I led a fairly sheltered life back in Hillsboro and I don’t find that to be a problem. Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge truly is powerful.

I’m actually really curious as to why, through-out these eight weeks of college, I haven’t been affected by the happenings. I’ve learned a lot about otherwise unexplored horizons, but it hasn’t changed me. I am glad because I like who I am, and could only see those changes becoming negative ones, but what is it in me? Why don’t I have the urge to drink? How did I turn out like I did? I’m no pimp, what would have made that happen? I can only go back to my upbringing and thank my parents for what they have given to me; the proper respect for woman, the compassion I am attributed with, and the courage to uphold my beliefs despite all of the opposition.

What a dork, this writing sounds weird, not at all the colloquial writing I ought to have. It's not even good writing either, not like great authors, it's just a bad attempt at sounding smarter than I am. But honestly, the writing style kind of just came, I didn't put effort into it, I just thought it'd convey the evening’s picturesque qualities. Interesting thought: in Anthropology we discussed the differences in language among the genders and came up with broad assumptions for the sexes, rather a poll conducted in 1980 did.

Women:
1. Ask more questions
2. Attempt more verbal exchange
3. Provide more minimal encouragement ("yes," nodding, and "I understand" to name a few)
4. Silent protest
5. Use "you" and "we" more often (men use "I")
6. Use hedge words ("just," "perhaps," "wondering if," etc)
7. Less assertive

Men:
1. Interrupt more
2. Put up more challenges, ("Why is that?" "I thought otherwise.")
3. Ignore others comments more often
4. Control top of conversation more often
5. Declare facts more often/ give more opinions.

I have to say I somewhat disagree with the list. I don't think I ignore others comments, nor do I particularly control the topic of conversation, or give more opinions for that matter. And I think I do provide nominal encouragement quite often, and ask a lot of questions. I just used a hedge-word in the paragraph before that list, which actually made me think of it in the first place. I could certainly be seen as incredible unassertive, in fact I hate pressuring anybody for anything. It’s also been shown that I have somewhat of a girly trend in thoughts, that is, I took a test (What Gender Is Your Brain?) and it said I had a 73.33% female brain. I don’t think that’s too terrible, of course it’s a huge crush to my masculinity, which is important, but I think based on its explanation of what that percentage meant, I simply care more than other people. Not more than other people, but more than the average man? Actually this is its explanation: "Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!" It means I’m sensitive ladies, so keep that in mind! HA! ‘Cept I aint lookin' no mo! I's got me miss fantastical, so don’t be frontin’. Enough of that, it also means I don’t want to get into your pants when I first meet you, at least I’ll say it means that because it’s true, and I might as well add as many boost points as I can at the moment.

loads of fun

2005-11-14T13:20:00.000-08:00

This weekend was even more fantastic than I'd imagined it to be. I got home on Thursday evening and spent most of the night with my family and cousin. My cousin is awesome, let me tell you; neatest, coolest, little nine year old I know. So that was good.

I woke up the next day much earlier than I would have had I been at school, all for the purpose of making pancakes for people. I got up, picked Becky up, and then we went to my house and made pancakes for my sister and cousin. They were pretty good too, not that it's hard to make, but I made them with shapes. Little bitty-ones, race cars, J's, S's, and other odd shapes. It's a lot more difficult than I'd anticipated, I thought I could shape it really well, just pour a bit onto the pan and make a shape, but that stuff is runny, and clumpy, and you can't work it like chocolate syrup, as one might assume. I'm good with Chocolate syrup; I draw all sorts of cool stuff on my Peanut Butter Sandwiches with it. But breakfast was really good, and then we watched Sesame Street and learned sign language, or partly. They had cookie monster on, and I heard he didn't eat cookies anymore, and that they substituted his poor eating habits with good ones, but he still talked about cookies. "C is for cookies," so maybe it was an older episode.

Then I went over to my grandparent’s house and had a Tuna melt with my mom, and we chatted until her appointment, and I left.

Then I got a haircut, and now it's much shorter than it was, nearly back to when I had shaved it down considerably, except the top is a bit longer. It looks alright, far different, and it sort of makes me think of a military cut, and I'm not especially fond of those, but whatever, everyone says it's okay, so it's okay.

It was a few activities later that we left to the Broken Social Scene concert in Portland. We actually ended up leaving around 6 I believe, or possibly a bit later, to be honest most of this weekend blended together, time was not really an issue, the experiences were what I wanted to remember anyways. But either way, we got into Portland and couldn't find the Paris Theater, where Tom Bradley, Cameron Dewhitt, and some other kids band Broken Glory was playing. We decided we'd eat first, then figure it out, so after navigating our way through the streets of Portland we landed on 23rd street, but had no idea where the Mexican restaurant Natalie and Alysse recommended was. As it turns out, we got onto 23rd and not more than three seconds later we saw it on our left, and found a parking lot opposite of it, wherein a front row space was available. If you ask me it was absolutely perfect, we couldn't have asked for a better play of events. So after eating in this nice little Mexican restaurant that continually reminded me of my trip to Playa del Carmen, and made me want to be there on the beach with her, we took off in search of Paris Theater. Now on this excursion, instead of following the directions printed for us, we used the final destination and street numbers for our route. We ended up getting there quite easily and found a parking lot opposite of the theater. Paris Theater is this little theater with a giant stage about three or four feet up, but only maybe 400 square feet. It was really small, and hardly anyone was in it, maybe like 35 people, but hey it was cool. Unfortunately they didn’t play until 10:30 so we didn’t get to see them, by then we had left for Broken Social Scene, actually we left for that just a bit after 9’oclock. The Roseland Theater is about three blocks down from the Paris, and that was convenient yet again. The Roseland was really nice, I liked it a lot. They had a little balcony with seating, but that was for the 21-and-over people who wanted to pay to sit there. If I were able to I would’ve it was a good spot, and then maybe Becky would be able to see clearly. Poor Becky, everyone crowded in front of us, and were mostly taller, so she had a hard time seeing, mostly having to look through windows made by people’s shoulders. I on the other hand was able to see, and it was amazing! I had such a good time, I absolutely loved it. Fiest opened for them, and she has such a good voice, it makes me sad that she isn’t in Broken Social Scene anymore. It was rad, way way rad. That bad boy lasted for three plus hours, and I didn’t get home until 1-ish, and soon after that fell asleep, actually it was like three seconds after I put my head on my pillow.

That night I slept in a considerable amount more, until 11:30 I believe, and went to visit my mom at my grandparent’s house in Orenco. We had tuna melts and chatted for a bit about life until her appointment. It was pretty interesting, it felt like one of those growing up experiences, where you go and have a normal conversation with adults, talk about stuff, and then go on your way.

Then it was over to the B-dizzle's hizouse and we folded clothes. Oh, I am good at folding clothes for those of you who didn't know. I don't know when the change occurred but I have begun to somewhat enjoy folding clothes, not like I'll actively pursue doing it, but it definitely no longer bothers me. At least folding shirts, I like the preciseness of it, I fold the right side up towards the center, up to just shy of the collar, and then do the same with the left, and then from there I fold into thirds from the bottom until I get a small little package of shirt. It's like someone used a cardboard sheet to do it too, it's always flat and compact. That is far too much about folding and now I feel dumb, so on to the rest of the evening...well folding was fun, the warm clothes, the company, it made it a good time, and I like having good times. Being comfortable is amazing, and one of my favorite things in the world, probably priority numero uno. Then after having a nice little salmon patty and fruit and green beans we headed over to Corn town to watch, “Zathura,” which was really good. I liked it a lot.

And now I’m tired of talking about the events of the weekend. Sunday was marvelous, B and I made French toast and hung out most all of the day. It was fantastic. This whole past weekend was great, and I can’t really say exactly what it is, but it just felt good, being home with people I care about and all.

I will also be coming home this weekend for Paulina’s play, and that is good news because I’ll also get to see Anneliese, and Becky of course, so pretty much a great deal. The only deal is I’ll be missing the civil war, but in all actuality I could care less about football. Some might say I’m not having the college experience by going home so often, but whatever, I am, and a good experience at that. I’m happy.

I realize this was probably quite boring to read, mostly descriptions of events rather than emotions and thoughts and feelings and such, but to be honest I can't quite describe the feelings. Bliss, Serenity, Ideal, Fantastic, and so on, it was great.

2005-11-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

I accidentally slept through fencing today, and nearly missed my Architecture class, wherein I learned my professor is a trespasser. He saw this house by some famous Architect and fell in love with it, so he decided he'd go and take pictures of it. The thing is, the place is on an island to the southeast of Spain. He flies there, not knowing exactly where the house is and starts driving around and looking for it. After looking for a long time he finally finds it and knocks on the door, but no one answers, so he goes to get something to eat. He comes back a bit later and knocks again, but again, no one answers, so he decides to just go in and take the pictures. He walks around the back, it faces a bluff so it's very private and I'm pretty sure designed to be left alone, and walks right up to the house. Because of it's location it is extremely open and he goes in the house, like it isn't anything. Like, he has pictures from the inside, not just the surrounding area which is bad enough, but actually the inside of the house, and the views you get from them. So basically my professor is the most ridiculous person in the world. I did like the house though, it was really nice and I'd like to live in it. It looks at the Mediterranean Sea, who wouldn't want that; perfect climate, gorgeous house, and by that time I'd have a wonderful wife. Life would be good.

Please, please me like you want to

2005-11-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

At this point I have to say I am really glad I didn't offer the reward I was thinking of for someone who could find me a bodily excretion that isn't unattractive, because Megan found one. Now it can be unattractive if it's all the time and if it's annoying, but for the most part she's right, crying isn't unattractive. Congratulations Megan, and too bad for you, but very good for me, I didn't include an offer of a million dollars.

I don't like writing when I'm not attached to the work, or at least the prompt. In fact, the only writing I like is free-write, where I write about whatever I want. I am not good at doing anything I'm forced into doing, which is why school is so hard. I can't do it. It's impossible when nearly everything else in the world that I could be doing seems more enjoyable than it.

Over the weekend I started playing my guitar again, and have decided I'd like an acoustic and not have to deal with the hassles of an electric. I'd like this one,

but that isn't going to happen, someday perhaps, but for now I'll stick with a guitar under a G. It was really nice though, and I know once I learn theory I'll have even more. I want to write songs really badly, and even more so I want to be able to sing to them. That won't ever happen though, not unless I steal someone's voice with my super-gamma-three-thousand voice stealing machine. But that's just too costly and I'd feel bad for a few minutes which is enough to turn me off of doing it. Ben Gibbard is a lucky man, as is Chris Martin, Damien Rice, Jack Johnson, and the list goes on...continuing in alphabetic order no doubt.

I think that's just a natural way of mine to listing things, alphabetically, I don't do it on purpose, most of the time.

I wrote a shitty paper tonight, and it makes me wish I had written more essays in High School, and been taught more than I was. It also makes me wish I had more critical thinking skills. Maybe I’ll get hit by a meteorite and either gain a whole bunch of knowledge from this alien substance, or, get killed. I’d much rather have the former than the latter if someone is planning on sending one in for me. Otherwise maybe something will click one of these days, and I’ll straighten out my grossly un-proportional priorities. 3 more days, then I’m back home. That right there is a problem, if I’m yearning for home every week how could I ever accomplish anything? It’s a matter of maturity I think. When I become mature, I’ll know what to do, but until then, I’ll wait for someone to tell me what to do. What a sad thing, wanting people to tell me what I should do. Maybe if I weren’t such a lazy kid I’d spend time figuring out what I should do on my own. But I’m lazy, and I know it, and so far haven’t changed it. How undesirable.

I walked around downtown Eugene today and it was great. I can't even tell you how nice it was to get out of this freaking dorm. I walked into an extremely neat little church that made me happy. I probably could have sat there and just chilled, listened to my iPod perhaps, and wasted the day. I'm good at wasting time, especially when I have something to get done. I have three things to do before Thursday. Three more, there were four before, but I half-assed an essay that I'll turn in, get a failing grade and continue in my average/below average college lifestyle. Those other three are: a physics assignment, a physics test, and a large Art history project. On top of that I have a flag football game tomorrow night at 8 followed directly by a finals match for soccer. I think we can get the championship in soccer, that'd be neat; I'd be part of a winning group for once. I lie, I’ve been part of one before, but all the times never contributing much. At least in soccer I actually do something.

oh! About a week ago marked a year of complainging on the web for me, and a year that I've continually done one thing.

stupid

2005-11-06T03:10:00.000-08:00

I don't want to go far into it now because I'm really tired, but I don't like drunk kids, or their being drunk. I don't like kids who act drunk, even when they are capable of composing themselves. Three girls were destroyed tonight and it wasn't fun to deal with. They ought to know their limits; no one ought to fainting, and all three of them were puking. It's disgusting and stupid. Why can't some people be mature? Alcohol isn't worth it.

There is no central theme

2005-11-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

It's been a week, and while the time feels as though it flew by, there is also a feeling of time not moving fast enough.

This week hasn't been especially fantastic, and I can really only blame myself for that one. I took a little check on my progress as a college student and came to some disheartening conclusions:
-I'm a C student now. In High School I could not try and get by with A's and B's, but now I'm going to have to actually work to get those grades, like I should I suppose. This isn't a valid complaint, more just of a realization. Something I ought to strive for.
-I have no direction in life at this moment. It's hard to figure out what you want to do, and right now all I can think of as far as future is going home next weekend for an amazing concert. Other than that I can't really figure anything else out. I don't like my classes, so I don't want to go into something involving them. I shouldn't say that, I don't like anthropology, I find the ideas behind Art History interesting but I don't like having to memorize crap, Physics is weird and doesn't make much sense because you have to think about hundreds of things, but Architecture is good. Oh Fencing is boring, I've decided I’ll never need the skills and therefore it's a waste of time, I don't like violence. I do understand protection, and it being a good thing to know how to handle yourself if you're thrown in a bad situation, but fencing won't do anything for me, maybe I'll do Jujutsu, that'd be handy.

Through the "cloudy," that’s what I'll call it now, time of not feeling adequate, or anything I began to get upset with myself. That is really what ruined this week, but now the "clouds" have broken and it's making sense again. They just lifted, and everything is clearer; that is pretty neat.

New Topic: There are a lot of weird things that have to do with the human body. Think about every bodily excretion; sweat, spit, bathroom stuff, etc. It's all gross. I would challenge you to find me one bodily excretion that is attractive. I wish you didn't have to do any of them for survival. Then there is the habit of eating. Eating can't ever be elegant, or done gracefully. How can it be when you're stuffing things into your mouth. Sure you can nibble, and cover your mouth and such, but that’s still a little weird. Don't get me wrong, I love eating, or rather tasting and digesting food. I also have the occasional need for chewing, but still weird thing. Walking is pretty freakish, some people have a nice walk which is alright to look at, but others have weird ones, but it's very necessary. Kissing is interesting, think about it, we've labeled it as a way of showing affection. What if it wasn't chosen, what if shaking hands was like kissing. I guess certain things need to come into consideration, like sexual feelings involved with kissing vs. shaking hands; I'd assume most people don't get excited about shaking hands. But is that because of our biological setup, or because we've decided it's a big deal? I'm sure some scientists have facts about it and it has something to do with chemicals. But just go with it for a second, what are the levels of affection: hugging (squeezing someone), kissing (depending on the level, peck- touching faces, making out- eating someone’s face), then sex (playing puzzle). Its weird stuff, but you can't discount the fact it's nice. Hugging someone is far more satisfying than shaking their hands, and kissing is far more satisfying than hugging, and so on. And the more you go up the weirder it is. But, maybe it's not weird and I just spend way too much time thinking about stupid things. So those are weird bodily things.

As strange as I think the body is, I have to say, it's pretty incredible. We're machines, doing all these things simultaneously at incredible speeds. I like eyes a lot; they're pretty neat, and they look nice. Actually faces in general. It's crazy how little changes in features change a person completely. Look at teeth for example. Someone who has good teeth is far more attractive than someone with poor or missing teeth. Personally. This is all based upon personal belief, I doubt everyone agrees. Then noses; they have to be the right proportion, or compliment the overall face, or it doesn't look right. Ears are cute. Eyebrows matter. Everything matters, in the long run. The great thing is everyone looks for something different. Someone I don't find attractive for whatever reason can be the most beautiful person to another, and vice versa. There are actually a lot of "hot" girls I don't find attractive at all. I shouldn't say that, it's more they're not in any way desirable.

Candles are pretty wonderful things. I love my colonial at home scented candles. "Pear" and "Cranberry Apple Tea" are two very solid scents. It's undeniable that having them lit for as little as hour makes my room smell infinitely better than the rest of the hall. Everyone says it, they walk in, "wow your room smells great," it's all the candles. Plus they're nice to look at when the lights are down.

There are so many ideal settings to be placed in. Like this, how about instead of being here in my dorm room, at my tiny little desk, I'm in Paris, it's late and a soft breeze blows leaves off of the trees in the little park I stroll through, hand in hand with my significant other. Seeing as how it's a bit chilly we have our coats buttoned up tight. We walk a bit further and end up at the Eiffel Tower and go to the top and outlook all of Paris. You can see the entire city lit by the moonlight. How about that instead eh? It'd be better than where I am now. There’d be accordion music going as well. Have you seen “De-Lovely?” Because it’d be like that.

Earlier tonight I saw the end of a show called "Nip Tuck." I don't know what the story line is or anything, but at the end this man walks into his bedroom, and his girlfriend is in it asleep. He walks up to her, sits by her and smiles. She opens her eyes and he says, "Marry Me." She says that they've already talked about this, but he said he knows but sometimes people have to do whatever to make them feel whole; I assume he didn't want to get married before. Anyways, she says yes, then "Lover's Spit," by Broken Social Scene starts playing, and it was probably one of the best songs they could have played in that situation. The main part of the story is that song, because I'm going to go see them next friday, and that's going to be amazing, but I didn't know they were that mainstream to be on a big tv show. Either way, it was a good scene and a good song, good job creators of "Nip Tuck."

The Wonderful Weekend

2005-10-31T20:28:00.000-08:00

I went home this past weekend, the second time I've been back, and I had a really great time. I didn't get in to Hillsboro until around 6:30 Friday night, which was unfortunate, I'd like to have come home Thursday night with Scott and had a whole day more. But I went with it; we stopped by the Upton's house to drop Kate off and all of their stuff, but as it turned out they stayed there so I got a ride back home with B-dizzle grizzle. I unpacked my electronics and toothbrush, made the rounds, talking on the events of the past few weeks with Megan and Johnny Z then headed back over to the Upton's house after a quick dinner. It sounds bad, oh I left my family, and it might be considered so, but even so, it's nice to see the family's faces. The relationships we've formed have changed since I left, for the better; Megan and I are much closer than we ever were and I'm really pleased with that. I think my parent’s relationship has been maturing since the summer, especially with my dad. It's just nice to see them, it sort of feels like I'm an adult, which I suppose I technically am, but one who has his own place and just comes home for the occasional visit, to stay close and see the people he loves, basically like my brother Josh's situation.

I actually stopped by my grandparent’s house to see the reason for me return, my cousin Carter and his girlfriend Kym, but they weren't back from the airport yet. So I spent the rest of the evening over at the Upton's house, which is always nice. I believe that was the night little Annie decided to chew threw my Converse's shoelace. It's fantastic how comfortable that house is for me, two years in the making, and it feels like a second home. It actually felt like it after a few months, maybe several months, but definitely before the end of year one.

It's pouring down rain right now, and I love it. I despise crappy piddle rain, the light drizzle that soaks you to the bone but isn't enough to have fun in. With this rain I feel like going outside and running around the track as fast as I can until I collapse onto the grass and just lay there, letting the cold and the rain engulf my body. I'd lay there until I couldn't feel my body anymore then drag myself up and over to my dorm and take a long shower. A long warm shower.

But anyways, Saturday was next, I woke up somewhat late for breakfast at my grandparent’s house with the family, but I made it over there before everyone finished eating and ate with them. It was nice to see them, I can't even remember the last time I saw Carter, and Kym is really nice. We went over to Forest Grove for JJ's football game but what crap that turned out to be. The fields were completely drenched and with all the kids using them, they'd become mudpools, and the traffic from the parents and viewers made the sidelines equally muddy. Thing is, I had my converse on, which reminds me that Annie had yet to chew my shoelaces, and my nice jeans on, since I only brought two changes of clothes and didn't anticipate mudpools. Anyway, I didn't want to get dirty, I didn't wear dirty clothes, so I did my best to keep everything clean, I stayed on the track, a good fifteen feet from the field, and away from the mud. But I got tired of not being able to see and standing, so I went and sat in my grandparent’s chair, and it was all great. My shoes were relatively clean, and I had a good view. Then came the action; freaking kids and their football. The opposing team maneuvered a running play that went right by us, but Jeremy's team stopped them. Right in front of me. I was worried they'd run into the sidelines and get their muddy uniforms all over my clothes, luckily they fell down, but while falling down this stupid kid sprays a chunk of mud and I watch it as it flies across the gap and lands right on my shoe. I can't say I enjoyed that one bit, I don't mind mud, or getting dirty, when I have the right clothes on for it, not my nice shoes and pants. "Well it's your fault," some would say, but it wasn't, I didn't anticipate a mudpool, I figured I’d have safe clean cover. I got over it though, as I do with all things in life that are disappointing. And so after that I went over to the pharmacy for some lunch and to see Becky in action. That was pretty interesting, I don't know if it's a common occurrence for people to do it, but I felt like I was occupying her time, and keeping her from doing what she was. And when she came to the counter and talked, even though the "regulars" would talk all the time to the girls, it felt sort of strange bringing stuff up. Anyway, I enjoyed my time there, it was nice to see what she does, not like it's something I wouldn't be able to see by going in other times, but it was nice. She's pretty established already, if two months is already. Then I went over to Paulina’s house, and that was a lot of fun. I’m disappointed I didn’t get to know her earlier. She was going to be Edward Scissor hands for her family’s party so we worked on dying her jacket black, and while we waited for that process to happen, we talked, she played piano and I listened, and we set up for the party. I had imagined only staying a bit since her party was getting started, but after 2 hours or something it seemed too short, which is a good thing. But I enjoyed that, and afterwards I went over to my grandparent’s house for a big family dinner. And it was huge, 13 or so people. That was so much fun; Becky came over, and did well with my family. We realized the Zavertnik’s like to joke and tease a lot more than other families I know of, which can be really fun, and I love my family. I like kids a lot too, I was playing with my brothers, girlfriend’s daughter Alexandra and my cousin Jeremy and I have a blast. That was a good time, and then we went over to her grandparent’s house for a similar shindig. She has a rad extended family too; they are all so nice, and funny! Much different for sure, but way cool. Then we went to her house, and during the course of the next couple of hours I removed my glasses and left them in the study, only to later drive home, sleep and wake up realizing I didn’t have them. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I drove home, talked to the family, and did all my ish without being able to see clearly. And that was Saturday.

Then Sunday was amazing. I woke up just before her Church started and got over there in time to hear her sing, and listen to the president of Princeton something something give a sermon. I can’t really tell you much of what he was talking about, but he did have a really comforting voice, it was soft, and had an English accent. Then, I got my glasses, and it was refreshing to be able to see clearly, it’s also interesting on how alright I can see without them. The little bit of difference between fuzzy and clarity is so fine, but a big one. Then the same family as that of Saturday night’s dinner went out to eat at Canyon something in Beaverton. That was a lot of fun again and I got a sweater out of it too. Josh accidentally shrunk his sweet ace, really nice, Banana Republic sweater and the once large sweater now encompasses my small/medium frame in a very warm, very attractive bundle. Then, after grocery shopping with the family, another adult-feeling activity, like I was doing it for myself, I headed over and had Becky-time. Let me tell you, this weekend was the perfect combination of friends and family. I honestly can’t stop smiling. It was good. We went out to Padgett Road after making a few stops, and just hung out there in the cold, foggy evening and gazed at the distant hills. It was so pretty, I’m not even kidding, somehow without a sun a source of light shown through the fog and clouds and gave enough light for an amazing view. The large hills far in the distance disappeared as the fog consumed them and the occasional bare gnarled tree. It was gorgeous, and we talked and, of course, had good music playing; Coldplay then Death Cab. That could easily be classified as the best time I’ve had period.

Then I came back to this, good ole’ Eugene, Oregon. I can’t begin to say how much this weekend meant to me. It was calming and comforting and reassuring and satisfying, and everything; just the relationship with family being so good, the relationship with friends being so good, everything working out as perfect as it could. I’m so content, well, I could have stayed longer, or forever. That’d be ultimate.

I can't get my mind off of you

2005-10-27T01:32:00.000-07:00

I carved a pumpkin tonight, two actually, with John and Kate at Barbara Joe's house. Barbara Joe is one of the nicest old ladies I've met; she's friends with the Upton's Grandma Lodan, another amazing old woman. That was a lot of fun, the one I took with me is a figure of a guy. That is probably the worst description ever, but it's about as good as it's going to get until I can get a picture of it, lit up hopefully. That pretty much took up most all of my night. It was so good to go to a comfortable house and eat home cooked food, and apple pie, that was delicious.

I don't think I'm doing too well in my classes. I just got back my Physics test and it said, 69%, but see, they didn't add correctly, I got 79%, which is not good either, but a lot better. I can't believe I got a C in my freaking Physics class! It's supposed to be super easy, why can't I ever do anything right? I hate that class and I want to rid myself of it very quickly. In Anthropology I've got a midterm tomorrow that I haven't really studied for, nor do I plan on studying for. All I can think about is going home, I want to be home. I wish I could have gone home tonight; I hate classes and don't want them anymore. I'll just go home and do something where I make lots of money. What am I really good at? Nothing practical, that’s for sure. I'm good at coasting through life without working. So if you ever need someone like that, I'm your man. Maybe you need an unreliable, lazy, kid to take up space, and that is when you call David Zavertnik.

I really don't even care though, I'd like to be better, I really would, but for now, I can only really think of being home, and that’s consuming everything else. I like to draw, but I'm not good enough to do anything. Think I could start a comic? I don't, I don't have any real characters I can draw well, nor am I witty enough to write a comic strip. I like photography but I couldn't get anywhere with that. I basically like arts, where does art get you though? You know what sounds really good to me? Studying art, everything art and getting good, and then getting a teaching degree. It seems like teaching is the cop-out. It's underpaid so I wouldn't get far. I need something that I can do and love.

Whats the point?

2005-10-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

I don't even know why my Hall's flag football team shows up to our games, we're always going to get annihilated. We've played a total of three games, and in those three games we've lost a combined 96 to 13. Our team has zero organization and no real skills. The few players we have that have any experience do their best, but the majority of us have none. It's not that I really care, because I don't, I enjoy the people and it's fun to be around them; it can just get a bit ridiculous watching our team get stomped left and right. Our team could be really good, if we practiced, but because of everyone's schedules and lack of commitment we don't get that. We show up every Tuesday night to the field and play, that’s all we get.

Soccer is the same as far as practice, but somehow we're undefeated. The soccer team isn't coed, which doesn't really make a difference, except for the fact that the majority of us have experience with soccer. Our soccer team is great, we've got such good communication; we pass so well. The shooting part is what has us a little down, we've only got a few kids who really know how to play and they make the goals, the rest of us try but, like most inexperienced players would do I think, we kick it too high. It doesn't help that the goals are tiny, about 5 feet wide and 4 feet high. I had about four chances on Monday, nearly wide open, but A: I suck and kicked it high, and B: the goalie took up 75% of the goal.

I enjoy the fact I have a few things to keep me active, granted it's not nearly enough, but it's decent. I ought to go run everyday, or the other days that I don't have football or soccer. I also need to eat healthier. The past two days have been terrible. I've eaten like four square meals, 6 pop tarts (3 packages), an entire box of teddy grahams, oatmeal, maybe 70 oz of water, a few granola bars, frozen yogurt, and a york peppermint pattie. Cheez-it's too, I'm working on that box now. But that’s such a small amount of actual substance, the square meals and water are it. I need to eat fruit, I have watermelon everyday and that’s it, like two small slices. It's terrible, luckily I haven't gained much weight, if any, but it's not good! And sleep hasn't been very good either, although I did sleep through class today and got an extra 1.5 hours of sleep. I somehow need to get on top of stuff, school included. Right now I'm getting by, decent grades, I think, but it's something I should be working out, not just getting by.

All I can think about these days are unattainable things, I can't stop it either. I just imagine how much more fun it'd be if I could do x right now, or y in a few minutes. I don't think that's a good sign at all, if I can't be happy in real life, which I assume is what that'd mean, then that’s a giant problem. I shouldn't want anything more than I have in my life. Except bettering myself maybe, but I doubt anything I want could be classified, legitly, as bettering myself.

Christine and I came up with a good idea last night that correlates to that stuff above, if I chronicle all of my thoughts and wishes, dreams, etc. and then make a movie about them. In the movie I'd be dreaming about all of these things through my life, then I'd meet the girl and everything that I dreamed would come true. I'd live all of my hopes and dreams for the rest of my life with that special woman. I hope it could work out like that.

I decided something today in Art History, I like Romanticism. The buildings were the coolest then, a rejuvenation of the gothic style mixed with the new. I love gothic architecture, and the blend of it with everything else in the Romantic architecture is just cool. I'm definitely drawn to it, and if I had my way, I'd own a few of the estates. The English did something right for sure with that one.

Air is a good band, and when I have the thoughts I'm having, about being away with a love, doing something amazing it makes me happy. And now I'm going to read.

Sigur Ros is playing in my headphones

2005-10-25T02:19:00.000-07:00

I've been quite productive today, at least in retrospect I've done a lot. I guess doing a lot doesn't constitute as being productive, but whatever, it's the word I chose.

So what has happened today:
* 3 Classes
* A few games of Halo
* 2 meals and lots of snacks
* Soccer Match
* Talked to friends
* Longboarded
* Got to know kids from the Hall
* Made some CD's
* Browsed the internet
* Began eHarmony personality profile. Why you ask? for my own pleasure and the results to tell me who I am in a nutshell.

Wow, those are all really weak, but I'll tell you, it feels good thinking about them. I'd say today was a good day, made up of lots of different things. I'm going to get some sleep, but thats what happened today, and I felt pretty good about it. Today was good, and I feel good.

I built you a home in my heart

2005-10-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

My hands and feet are rough to the touch lately, and I don't quite know why. I can't see much of a change from here and home; I take showers as frequently, wash my hands as frequently, and don't participate in any hand-stressing activities. I really don't get it, maybe the soap in the bathrooms isn't as good as mine back home, or maybe the cooler weather is doing it, but really, I'm not in the cold that often, and usually my hands are one of the warmest part of my body. Then there are my feet, which just doesn't make any sense. It's even less likely to be any change from moving here, except perhaps the carpets where I walk barefoot/socked. They are hard and not nearly as nice as the soft carpets of home. Back to the hands though, I'm getting hangnails and cuts and crap too. I want to go get them all fixed and back to normal, but that'd: A. Cost money, B. Be a little weird since I'm a guy. I guess I can learn to deal, although it's not nearly as comfortable.

I've begun quite possible one of the most worthwhile projects for a music-lover to do, and that project is organizing all my music and cataloging it; artist, song, album, and album art. And so far it's going quite well; I've rid my library of all the songs that don't work, a good 2000 songs or so. And I've been working on replacing them with the copies on my iPod that actually work. I'm probably a quarter of the way done, I've still got to find the albums to some and the artwork for most all of them, but when I'm done it's going to be amazing.

I've taken up longboarding too. Despite the fact I don't own one; I’ve gone out nearly everyday on either Scott's or Ben's. They are a lot of fun, and I am seriously considering getting one. It's like I'm snowboarding but on pavement, and I have a lot more control of myself. I love it.

Overall this weekend has been a success. I relaxed quite a bit, enjoyed my moments of solitude, read for a change, and had a good time. See people, you don't need to party to enjoy yourself. Some may call me lame for staying inside most all the time, or longboarding by myself, or reading on a Saturday night, but I'll tell you, I liked it. Come to think of it, I don't I really socialized at all this weekend. I saw that movie on Friday night, that's socializing, but I kept to myself this weekend.

The book I'm reading is called, The tortilla curtain and it's a novel, so unlike the stupid Nisa, scientific journal, and all the lame textbooks, it's a good read. I really like it so far, and I'm really enjoying getting lost in it, I feel like I haven't done that in such a long time. It’s really refreshing to ball up on my bed, turn my music on quietly, and just let go of everything, join someone else’s world for a bit, see what different life is like. It’s sort of a two part story, it’s got an American family and a Mexican family’s separate stories going together throughout the whole book. I can’t remember what book it’s similar to in that regards, but it’ll stop after a section has been told about one family, and move to the other, to see how they react to the differences their lives bring them. So far the American dad is a man I’d be okay with becoming, partly. See, in the beginning he hits the Mexican dad, and has a similar reaction to one I’d have, but instead of driving him to a hospital like I would, he gives him twenty bucks and drives off. Thing is, he might have been on to something, not to say drive off if you hit someone, but the Mexican was illegal and therefore wouldn’t want to go to a hospital, they’d surely deport him. I couldn’t tell you what to do in that situation, but I’d say finding a way to check in on the guy would be a start. If I hit a guy I’d shit a brick. I’d definitely take them to a hospital, unfortunately I might just there ruin the guy. This book definitely sheds a different life onto illegal immigrants. Anyways, I like it, and would recommend it thus far. I got this from it, I like it a lot, "¿Adónde vas mi vida?" It means where are you going my life, but in the context I guess it meant, love. Anywho, I changed it, to "¿Adónde vas mi amor?" and now it's an away message of mine. I like it a lot.

I'm watching the visual effects on iTunes while I'm listening to "Plans," and let me tell you; it's amazing. It's impressive. Ooh! This now is cool; it's making a flower sort of pattern. Good work Apple and the creators of the visual effects.

Enough already

2005-10-22T01:18:00.000-07:00

Today has its good points and bad points. Its good points: I went long boarding this afternoon and I enjoyed that. I went to the movies with a few kids from my dorm and their company was fun. The bad things were; boring classes, worst movie I've ever seen, and drunk kids all over the place.
The movie I saw tonight, "The History of Violence" was terrible. It was the most vulgar movie I've ever seen and shouldn't be rated at low. It was definitely NC-17, at least, maybe X. It had graphic sex scenes, graphic violence, and excessive language. No movie I have ever seen can compare. I actually feel a little sick to my stomach, maybe like throwing up. My brain also hurts, it feels cluttered and I need to clean that bad movie out. I can't even begin to put words to it. I miss the innocence of Hillsboro, at least my involvement in Hillsboro. I even sort of feel like crying, my body doesn't even know how to handle this, nor my mind for that matter. I looked around the Hall for Disney movies, hoping I could be caught up once again with innocence. It's not even really innocence I need; it's just a lack of violence. I've had too much today. On top of that movie Bud and Scott and I flipped through Big Boyz and they watched the accident videos. I can't handle all of this. I want to go back. I want to be comfortable, and rested.
Then there is the fact everyone around me is drunk. Not everyone, my friends from here aren't, but lots of the others are, and they're loud and acting stupid. So far their favorite phrase; "DUDE! I'm so drunk right now!" Why?! Boo.
I want to be back home, cuddled up watching a sweet movie, and falling asleep. That’s what I want.
But I'll take the good company. The car ride to and from the movie was fun. The people I rode with were fun and during the movie it was pretty funny being with them. The entire audience actually was pretty funny, everyone would just be like, "WTF! What is this?!" or "NO WAY!" And laugh at the crappy dialouge. I'm going to sleep, and try and sleep everything off. I'm taking it easy this weekend, maybe cleaning my room and studying. Like a good kid. I need that.

I am the king of procrastination

2005-10-21T04:28:00.000-07:00

I am the king of procrastination as of late, two nights in a row. The first night, last night(Wednesday night) I started on my three page paper about gender roles and relations in the !Kung society, which was of course due the next day at ten. I think I ended up starting at 8:30, but I was talking to Becky online so I didn't get much of anything done for those four hours. Then she left and I worked on it for another hour and decided to sleep, at this time it's around 1:30. I haven't finished it though, so I have to wake up at 7 in order to finish it on time and revise it. I do wake up, and I do revise it, and I end up eating breakfast before class; something I don't even do when I get enough sleep. So that was a success, but I only had five and a half hours of sleep, so not a good thing to do. But I still have this other project due Friday I haven't started. This project is much bigger, I had to design a lecture hall, and draw the floor plan, cross section, and one view from each side of the building- there were four. I have all day though, at least three hours between classes then an entire night, but being the king of procrastination that I am I waited until 12 o'clock to start it. Now I'm done, over four hours later. the entire four hours of this creation were spent downstairs in the lounge by myself. Lesson learned? Hopefully, with five and a half hours of sleep and a little over four hours before class starts I might have an awful Friday morning, and afternoon. But hey, it's the weekend, it'll be fun. DZ OUT.

You'll be loved......

2005-10-16T00:47:00.000-07:00

The following may be directly correlated to the fact that it's late at night and I'm tired, but I think there's a lot of truth in it. A lot. So here it is. [After thought: It’s a lot of complaining, the end is a good thing]
I'm unhappy. I'm not sad or depressed, just unhappy, mostly with myself. I let people down. I say something, with the best intentions of carrying it through, only to find out that I had either forgotten to do it or just not done it. A small example, but still very upsetting to myself are that of telling people I'd call and not doing it. I don't like breaking promises; it's my least favorite thing to do to people but I find myself in the situation constantly.
There is not an ounce of motivation in my body as far as I can tell. Just spurts of yearning quickly followed by defeat. I have not found a single thing in life that I have seriously cared about, people excluded. I do care about people, I care very much for people, but everything else in life isn't nearly as much so. And in fact, if I truly cared about people I wouldn't let them down. I'd be spending time with my family while I'm here, making them happy, and not letting them think I don't care. But there are other people I care deeply about and want badly to spend time with.
People aside for a moment, there are activities, skills, hobbies in life, yet none of which I have cared enough about. I dropped all the sports I've ever played, and even while in them I never truly cared enough to try hard. I always gave less than my potential and was okay with it. I don't have any skills; at least that are acquired. I've been blessed with some skills from birth, but I haven't worked at them, or hard enough to pick others up. Guitar for example, I've had my guitar for a few years now but I haven't actually become a good player yet. I've dabbled around, taken a few lessons, but I've never applied myself to becoming good. Not because I don't want to be good of course, I wish I was good. I wish a lot of things, but never turn them into reality. How could you be happy with yourself if you knew this? Especially when you know it but don't change it. I don't even know what to do with myself. Change it is pretty obvious but I don't know how. I don't know what I need to do to be happy. I can't think.
School sucks. I don't enjoy my classes; even fencing is more work than I care to be involved in. I haven't met many people that I see as friends. There are the kids that I've become acquainted with and can stop by and talk to, but I need new 'good friends.' I don't do anything at school; I go to classes, come home and play video games or veg about. I don't study; I'm getting really behind in several classes. I have no motivation to sit down and do homework. I'm screwing up so bad. I don't know what to do at all; I don't know how to make myself work. I can't concentrate on one thing, more specifically, one school/work related activity for very long.
Did I make some bad choices? Should I have gone somewhere that I'd have been excited to go? I don't know if it'd make a difference. Am I just immature? I'm 18, I could be a senior in High School still, but am I really going to let myself use that? I should physically be capable of this, mentally too. My classes aren't hard. They truly aren't, Physics is for idiots; I'm not having a hard time with that. It's keeping up with reading, or writing papers about stupid books.
There is a friendship, a good friendship, with a great person. All I want to do is be with her, go away and forget about everything that's stupid and boring. There is that. But it's unrealistic, I can't leave, I've got responsibilities.
I'm incredibly indecisive as well. Indecisive, unmotivated, bored, let down, and uncaring. Uncaring isn't a good work for it because I care about people, and that's what it'd usually be used to describe it. The way I mean it is that I don't care about things, again excluding people.
If I could I’d learn thing like they do in the Matrix. I could plug a program into my head and learn a skill. I’d want to learn everything and become knowledgeable in life. I have learned a few things about myself while being away to college and interacting with other people. One is that I don’t think anybody has the right to make someone else act or feel some way. That person can do what they wish. I also think most people’s motivations for doing things are ridiculous. One prominent motivation is to impress other people. I hate that. Kids try to act way too smart to impress others and their teachers. I’d much rather people talk precisely and make sense than to use foolish words to sound above other people. Kid’s lack of respect for things is amazing. I can’t believe the way people act, doing things just because they want to or can. Think for a second about everyone else that will be affected because of your stupid decisions. Respect other people. That’s a phrase I’d like to live with. I’ll make a shirt, it may just say, “respect others,” make it a bit cheaper to make. That can go with be open to because one person may be open, and other may disagree, but they ought to be respectful. Lets see for a second, sometimes is it fair to say respect others choices? In the situation of kids making bad decisions and ruining things I don’t think it works. I can’t respect people who don’t respect others. Maybe it’ll work like that.
I’ve got to write a paper by Thursday, take a test on Tuesday, another on Wednesday, turn a project in on Friday, and I haven’t started working on any of that.
I bought a jacket today and I love it. I’d like to go to the beach on a cold day and use it. I’d like to walk up and down the sandy slopes, taking pictures of the area, and be away from life for a bit. I’d then like to go to everywhere and anywhere and take pictures of it all. I need a digital camera for this, but as long as we’re talking about doing it, might as well pretend that I have one too. I’ll go back to what I said awhile ago, I ought to live in a dream-state, or live in a movie, and then I’d be capable of everything I want to be.

I’ve been complaining an awful lot lately, and looking sorry for myself. I had a wonderful day today. Becky, Megan, and I went shopping. I got that jacket and some gloves. In fact, I loved today. I loved it a bunch. I love being outside/shopping with cool people. I like the weather, and I like the leaves. I want to go on long walks through leaves this fall. I want to curl up under a blanket and watch movies more often too. Coming up more often, but without the driving would be nice. Let’s invent a teleportation device already.

I talk like a 4th grader

2005-10-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

I've been doing the whole college seen for a week and a half, almost two and it's been pretty good. I've been attempting to meet people, that's been pretty neat. It's only hit the meeting stage though, no friendships have been made as of yet. Well, maybe Andrew, yes Andrew is a friend. People in the Hall are pretty cool. I'll be playing on a flag football team as well as an indoor soccer team soon, so that'll be exciting.

The food isn't half bad so I'm not complaining as far as that goes. I've figured out how often to eat and it turns out I have plenty of points to last me the entire week. In fact, I had something like 15 left over this week so I bought some cereal and starburst. I know I ought to be sitting down with new people as well, to get to know other people, but it's easier to sit by people I know, so I'll probably still be doing that.

Classes are pretty okay too. This fencing deal is rad. My physics class is far too easy, it's at a middle schoolers pace. Intro to Architecture is making me exciting to design but this paper that's due Friday is hard. Art history is teaching me a lot; I remember things from it for a change. I don't know what Anthropology is like yet. And that is my schedule. Not too difficult and so far not too much homework.

So that's basically the information part. I'm feeling pretty good about it here; the weather has been killing the good mood though. For the past three or four days it's been raining a lot, and cold. It poured a few times, and when you're walking around you can't help but think to be home in your warm house with the people you know.

Music has been a big deal for me here. It's what I use to escape, or changes my feelings on certain things. At night I've been listening to Coldplay and Death Cab and such, and it makes me think of all the things I associate them with. Garden State too. I feel so lazy and boring. I think pretty much all I've been doing is either chilling in my room on the computer or playing Halo against other kids in the Hall. That can be lots of fun but I feel I could be more productive, or at least should be more productive. I haven't quite grasped my homework load yet, or at least I don't feel like I have. I think I probably have a lot more and should be doing it most of the time instead of this other crap I'm doing.

I'm happy. Well, I'm not unhappy. It's fun here, things are fresh and new, and I worked out this morning. I ran for half an hour at a fast pace. If I do that, get on top of homework, and make new friends I'll be set. And get more warm clothes. I'm cold. I've been cold. Bad move. Bad move. I'm going to get warm. I'm feeling boring, I haven’t even thought about much lately.

2005-09-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

I've been at college now for a few days now, well four now I think. The first two were adjustment days, and the weekend was chill out in the room, then today was the start of classes.
My long sword fencing class is going to be amazing. It's the 14-15th century longswords, so like this:
So when I feel like it, and have a sword readily available, I'll be able to beat up some bad guys. Then my Architecture professor didn't show up for class, causing the 200+ students to lose an entire day of lecture. I was upset, I paid for it, I want my knowledge. Then I had physics which seems like it may end up being too much like high school physics and will be super easy. But I couldn't fit the other one into my schedule so I guess I'll survive.
I just talked to my neighbor bud for a few hours, and he's a rad dude.

Love of Mine

2005-09-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for college in a few hours and I'm realizing now how much I love Hillsboro. I always thought I'd love to leave, but right now I'm very content with being here. I'm going to miss it. But you see, it's not far away from where I am, only 2 hours or so, so why does it seem to be playing out like I'm dying, or going to africa to live with Pygmies? I'm not dying, and I'm not going to Africa, I will be a phone call away from everyone and the only thing that will be changing is I won't get to see everybodies lovely faces.

Here's something new, For the past month and a half maybe, I've loved everything, there hasn't been a single thing I didn't appreciate. It's like I finally woke up and realized how wonderful the world can be, and ever since then I've been seeing it that way. Last night I watched the moon and I couldn't get over how beautiful it was, or the entire area where I was. I kept saying "wow" and "man." Take a minute to appreciate life, it's very worthwhile.

I guess my next entry will be from an official college student. I've grown up. I listened to Death Cab's new CD plan last night, I like all of it, here's a song I like alot and now will have a very fond memory that will trigger everytime I listen to it, which will be a lot.

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Handsome Dave

2005-08-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

I don't like Nicknames, except for maybe a handful, like P-Willy, and Handsome Rob, bit other than that, I don't really care for them. Especially self-pronounced names, those are the worst.

Life has been exceptionally great as of late though. I can't really complain, unless you call saying I dislike some nicknames complaining. I've been around, to Eugene and Seattle in the past few weeks, I'm going to Germany in two days, I've hung out with a few friends and have had a good time.

Eugene was a lot of fun, it made me start to feel more comfortable with the decision I've made as far as going to college there. Before, and now really, I didn't know why I chose it, but at least now I'm feeling more confident that it will turn out well and life will be good. Good company. I watched Requiem for a dream down there, and it must have been the mood I was in, maybe extremely exhausted, but I liked it.

Seattle was a blast, went to wild waves the first day and rode basically every ride they had. They had this killer waterslide that was seriously something like a 90.001° drop, as close as they could get without making you fall; it was amazing. Then Thursday night I went camping on Columbia river, very close to the gorge. Thursday night was a good time; I caught the beginning of the meteor shower. But Friday morning I woke up nauseas and threw up several times. After eating and drinking water I felt a bit better, but it lasted most all of the day. Other than that couldn't complain much there.

Came home, spent the better part of the past week at the Uptons. They got a new puppy, that’s neat. They are some good people them Uptons.

Last night I went and golfed with my brother Josh, completing the seeing the entire family before I leave for Germany deal. The golf was fun, we didn't even count our score or try for that matter, I was talking through it all, even my swing. It was really nice to see him again, and I also saw a family of deer, a beaver, ducks, and squirrels on the course. McMinnville is a pretty nice little place; at least there golf club there.

I went Frisbee golfing with Scott, Matt, and Hannah today and that was really fun too. It was nice outside and the company was great. Then tonight was a visit to the Bertelsons after dinner with the Padre and Italian Job; it was a good movie, I'd suggest you see it.

Have you seen the moon this past week?! It's been amazing, I absolutely love it. Life is good, it's going really well, and I'm liking that fact. No more sulking about lost loves or worrying about life in general, just taking it as it comes. Going to get on a plane, well, tomorrow afternoon and leave for entirely different country for a few weeks, how fortunate is that. Yep 36 more hours, and some change, and DAVID ZAVERTNIK and SCOTT HETER will be leaving for the PDX airport for their 4:40 flight to Vancouver, Canada, where we will have a 2 hour layover until our flight to London, which will then give us another hour forty minutes of layover time until we head off for Munich and arrive there the next day. Then we have three and half wonderful weeks in Germany until we head back.

I'll check my email every once and a while to check in on the family, but other than that I'll pretty much be out of touch with everyone. I'll be taking tons of photos, and eventually I may post them, but who knows.

The alternative me

2005-08-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

Today, while putting on some temporary tattoos I began to think of really getting some. I put on five in various locations I believed would look neat; one on the back of my neck, one on my arm, another near my left hip flexor area, yet another on the lower part of my back, and the final on my foot. All but the lower back one seem cool to me. Most of all is the arm, then second hip flexor, and third back of the neck. If I found a really cool design I'd like to look at, I'd definitely do all three of those. I wouldn't want writing or Chinese symbols, at least for now. I didn't try a temp on my wrists, that might make for an okay Chinese symbol. It'd be pretty sweet if I got a watch for under my real one. That way, when I took my watch off, I'd have one there, and it wouldn't look so weird with my watch tan. It'd be stuck on 8:30am I think, that was when I was born so it'd have some meaning. If they could make it like my Ironman watch, of which I love and want to keep forever, that would be stellar.

I also thought of piercing in this time, more specifically a tongue one, an eyebrow one, and gauging my ears with one of the talon-like ones. As shown below:
although I really had black in mind, and they'd only be pointed on one side, the other would be flat, and it's curve around and be way sweet. Anyways, get some of that ish. First I want to talk to some people who have tongue ones, see how hard maintenance is. Then get some fakes that I could see how they'd look.

Can't you just imagine me after getting all this, and working in my nice architecture firm. I'd dress hella nice, and most likely it'd cover all tattoos, and the tongue ring would be hard to see, but the others would be very obvious. I don't know the. I'll start with Hennah and fake rings. Maybe I'll come back with a real one of one of them when I get back from Germany. Who knows. I'll think more about that. I could see a symbol of a Leo, like a lion on the torso, or the arm. We'll see.

It's almost time

2005-08-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

Todays horoscope:
Your Weekend: It's one thing to be vigilant, another to be a vigilante. Because you have been 'once bitten', you now feel inclined to be 'twice shy'. You sorely want to avoid a repetition of some previous disappointment. If you stop to think, though, you may recall that this came about because you had some unreasonably high hopes of something or someone. The New Moon in Leo implies a genuine chance to fulfill an old ambition. Don't feel jaded or assume that because something didn't work in the past, it will never work. Things could be very different now.

I got paid again today, 114 bucks. That is 30 less than what I should have made, but the bright side is I'll be getting nearly 100 bones in April. Sweetness.

I don't really know what to expect with tomorrow, seeing as how people are lovely and don't call, I can't anticipate anything. Time is moving by so fast. Sunday I leave for a few days, get back on tuesday, leave tuesday night, stay up with jake, come back friday, do stuff at home for a week, leave on the following monday for Germany, come back three weeks later after an amazing trip, prepare to leave for college for a week, then leave. And with that I'll be leaving everyone else behind, no more Hillsboro. Goodness this is a weird feeling.

I want to live in a wooden house

2005-08-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

Today was yet another fairly decent day. Yesterday was my birthday and it felt weird. They are kind of awkward things, birthdays are, people say "Happy Birthday" and make comments about your one year age difference. "Big 18 now! Officially an adult! That must feel good." "yep, fantastic." Just really awkward feeling stuff like that, it really shouldn't be any different, if anything I should make a big deal about 8:30 in the morning when I was actually born. Like hey, I popped into this world today. Weird to think about I guess. I became official 18 years ago. Now by the worlds standards I'm an adult and get a few more privileges than last year.

Today was so lazy. I woke up at freaking 11:30. What a waste. Then I did jack crap for hours until I visited the Uptons and played scrabble. Then I watched 80's movies at Molly's house for the evening.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Am I doing what i should be? That is a good question to ask. The thing is, as I said before, I don't know, I wish I did.

I'm content with life today.

2005-08-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

Life is feeling a lot more productive these days. I've been busier than I have and I've started riding my bike again. I got it back from the shop today and it is bomb-ass. New tires, grip, tubes, and a seat. So sweet! I rode around for about 2 hours with it, no helmet, but whatever, it happens. I also went into the bank really sweaty, and I bet people were looking at me funny, like, "what the hell? Why is that kid so sweaty?" Turns out I had been riding my bike for a long time, and at a fast pace, at least in sprints. It's be really hard peddling for a bit, then lighter easier, then I'd regain my stamina and push it out till I was tired, then recover and so on. I never caught up to cars, or rather kept up, I caught up after they had stopped for a light. I wonder how many people saw me riding that i know.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am going to spend the morning and early afternoon in Portland riding with Allison, Jeff, and Scott. We're going to ride the max in with our bikes, then I don't know what I'll be doing. Some sort of family dinner and dessert. Then who knows, hopefully if Brent wants to, Halo.

So like I said I've been doing more, I've seen more of the friends I've wanted to and I've been happy with it. Scott hasn't been so much, but I think I'll start doing that soon especially in the next few days which will be very nice.

Next week will be Seatle with jake, Tuesday to Friday. That'll be a lot of fun, then one week home, and off to Germany for three and a half nearly, then home for a week and down to school. Wow. Summer is almost done. Then college, where I will try to set a record for most continuous high and drunkeness. hahahahaha. No I promised Mrs. Richards I'd keep clean. I remember three of five, the other two i honestly don't, I'll have to ask. I've abstained from it all for 18 years, whats a few more. Illegally anyhow, when I go to Germany it's fair game, the alcohol. I'll try it. Maybe get crunk on Jakies birthday and take pictures for him. I'm content.

I don't know

2005-07-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

Lately I've felt tired of even trying. I don't want to put effort into anything I do, I want it to just happen and I'll roll with it.

I haven't seen hardly any of my friends and I am somewhat curious where they are. Not everyone can be working, I guess with it being summer before college everyone is loosening the ties with friends so they can go to college and meet new ones. I can't say I've been working hard to find my friends, I've made half a dozen calls tops.

I have a good time being outside with people, people who make life a lot more simple.

I don't even know what’s going on these days. I can't process any of my thoughts, I just have some ideas of what I'd like to say, or express but it never comes out right, and it usually clashes with some other thought I have. I don't want to think, I'd like to have life come at me, let what will happen, happen.

I've had some talks with people to discuss who I am, and I can't quite figure it out. I'm bad with words, I want too much, I feel sorry for myself, I've become apathetic to situations but it is really just a front, I certainly think too much, as well as other things like I ought to get out and actually do something about life. But I can't even figure out what i should do, or want to do anymore.

Right now I'm going to focus on celebrating my birthday in a few days, going to Jakes the week after this coming one, and going to Germany. And I want to enjoy all of these.

I don't know is a good answer for me right now

Do you remember when...

2005-07-28T23:05:00.000-07:00

It turns out I'm not actually dead, I just didn't know what to write about, nor did i particularly feel up to writing. I've been tired, and not much has happened in my life. I got another stupid temp job with EO and it was at the library. Not particularly exciting, I moved furniture, and took lots of little breaks. Today was by far the worst of the two for I had to ride in my boss's car with him to the warehouse to get extra parts. Let me tell you he is a chain smoker, and he would light one up every time we got into the car, out of the car, took a break, and so on. And when I drove with him I couldn't escape the stench. I began to feel ill and rolled the window down and hung out for the majority of the ride. He actually asked if I was going to throw up, I told him I was okay. I probably ought to have just politely asked him to not smoke around me for I am especially sensitive to it, but I didn't, and for that i suffered. It was the worst 45 minutes of my life. I'd take huge breaths before I'd get into the car, then hold it as long as I could until I had to lunge out the window to get a clean breathe. Then I'd run from the car as soon as we had stopped and take several large wiffs. I don't know what I'm going to do when we go to Germany. I got tickets with Scott for that. August 22 to September 14. That’s three and a half weeks, and will be, without a doubt, the best three and a half weeks of my life.

Scott and I had a good conversation tonight after swimming; this is Scott Heter. I realize I'm just beginning and anything I wish to do with my life is a possibility. I don't have to look back and say I wish I had done that because I have time. So much time. If you thought for a second that you were going to die and had to choose one thing you wish you'd done with your life, what would your answer be? I think it's a lot easier for the people of fight club to decide because they've lived a lot longer. I haven't experienced enough so it's much too hard. I'm indecisive as it is, i don't need five million choices to slow me down. Just too many, maybe check back in forty or fifty more years and I'll have an answer, but for now, I'm too young to come up with something. I think much of my current answers would involve loving a girl. I can say I'd like to hold someone in my arms as I fall asleep, but that’s not the thing I'd like to have done. I'd like to have found a cure for freaking aids, but that’s unrealistic. Which is why I go back to, I don't know. That is the hardest question in the world, and those stupid men in the backseat, "paint a self-portrait," "build a house," what trivial men, and stupid at that. There is so much more they could have chosen, a self-portrait is not that gratifying, a house probably a bit more, but there is still more.

We talked about the fact that people don't really care about things unless they're somehow involved in it. By that I mean, if you have experienced something, you'd care much more about it than another who has absolutely no experience. Lets say your mother has cancer, you'll certainly want to find a cure much more and spend a lot more time searching than a man who has a healthy family, he knows about it, but he has no reason to care, it doesn't affect him. People are selfish, no matter what. Find one "self-less" thing you've done and tell me, then I'll show you how it's been for you. Sad world we live in. If Donald Trump and Bill Gates, and the other billionaires had a traumatic experience with a disease, say aids, or cancer, we would probably find a cure within a year.

One thing I don't want to let happen is to become overweight, no guts, no nothing, I want to stay thin and fit. Also finding the love of my life, but hey, I'm only 17, 18 in six days, I've got time for that. I am so excited for the rest of my life. I'm going to learn so much, and grow so much, and become the greatest man I possibly can. People will like how I turn out, I am sure of this. I'm going to sleep, and sleep well at that.

Absolutely!

2005-07-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

Today was a super day. It was very nice because of my family being awesome. I woke up and had a talk with my mom where I started thinking of the lack of closeness felt by me to my family. Which seems like a giant shame, and I began to picture it if everything started differently. But that made me want to get closer and so I acted nicely to my entire family and we had a super day. Megan and I hung out and went groceries shopping, just the two of us, and we actually got along, it was nice. We have made a pact to be healthier in our food selections, and even bought multi-vitamins to eat everyday. Then we got some coffee and drove around. After we dropped off the groceries we went back out so I could work on getting a new phone since I had swam with mine in the boicourts pool. Well it turns out, exactly one year from today, we signed up with AT&T to get our current phones, and our plan being only one year long, is now over so we can get a completely new one, one that will be with cingular and hopefully have better coverage, and all get new phones that will actually work. A year to the day! How awesome is that? I just happen to choose to go out today instead of yesterday, or a few days before, and it ends up being the exact day we can get new ones. Unfortunately we didn't get any because my parents have to look into a new plan, but it will happen soon.

Then we went to Target and bough board games. We had the craving to play some Scattegories so we got that, along with Rumikub. We're going to get apples to apples tomorrow. We played board games and did riddles all night, as a family, and that was a ton of fun. I absolutely love board games. I won at Scattegories once, as well as once at Rumikub. It was probably the most well spent Sunday in quite some time. I saw Jessica at Target too, Jessica Bagley, and she is neat and I enjoyed that encounter despite its short length.

I also cut off my fauxhawk because basically I've noticed at least 10 since I've gotten mine and don't like that. So now it's just shaved down to the height of the sides and doesn't look too bad. The widow's peak, it turns out I have a little one thank goodness, is crooked though. It's not at all centered and in fact, the peak is actually nearly right about the inmost part of my left eye. Stupid genetics. I think being in a good mood makes you feel better physically too. I felt good, and felt as though I looked good. My smile didn't suck today, and my skin is void of pimples and quite tan.

I looked at worth1000 photography tonight, and some of these people are absolutely amazing. I really want to get into artistic photography, as well as just great candid pictures. I feel we have missed opportunities of great memories with our lack of photographs. Today was great; I hope it was likewise for you.

Everything in it's right place....

2005-07-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

I think my brain functions better without work, and I like that, so it appears it would be a bad idea to ever work again. I spent a lot of time thinking this morning in my shower. I sat down and let the water pour over me, then I just let my mind wander. It seemed to have scattered ideas everywhere and was trying to organize them and file them away neatly. It didn't go well, I'd think about something, then before I could get a clear idea or solution it'd escape and I'd move onto something else.

One main thought was that I have not achieved any of my dreams for this summer. I'd imagined it far differently than it has turned out and I can't say I'm happy with the way it has gone. While the days have been fairly good, and certain days have fun, nothing fantastic has happened. I've seen five or six people all summer, always the same, not that it's bad, but none of the others I'd hoped to. I have not gone on any great adventures, not even to the beach. The best I've had as far as something was a campfire hangout thing, but that was only in Scott's backyard. It was fun, but the beach would be something completely different as far as fun is concerned. I'd like to bike in the San Juan islands, but with a month's time before Germany I just don't see it happening. I've not camped, hiked, biked, or any other outdoor activity other than recreational swimming in pools. I've come up with far too many hopeful ideas that will no doubt be crushed as they always do. I told myself this summer I'd do the things I wished, as I do every summer, but once again, they just don't unfold as I hoped and wished.

That led me to think more about my problems with fantasies, and how I can't be satisfied in life, at least long-lasting satisfaction. Watching a movie with a close friend is certainly satisfying, as it lying in the warm sun near a cool pool, but that is only temporary pleasure. I need better, and longer lasting, and I think I have an idea of what would do so, and the problems with them. If I were to visit these places I dream about, or read about even, if I could visit say Hogwarts, or go on an adventure with Dirk Pitt, life would be excited and quite fantastic. Alas, no such thing could ever happen. It's always such a disappointment when I come to this realization, and I hate that I can't be happy with reality. Perhaps I just haven't found what truly makes me happy yet.

Now this entire thought process was quick, and happened within a 15 minute period, and my shower was nearer to 30. Another thought popped into my head after that fantasy one, partly I believe, because of my watching of Amalie last night and wishing for something as fantastic as that to occur in my life. I thought of the casualness of sex in that movie, and "A very long Engagement" which stars the same woman and is by the same director. It makes sex seem like no big deal at all, just something people do. Now this is far different than that of the sexual behavior or Kinsey, or at least of the thoughts of sex during the time period. It's changed quite a bit, and that's something to think about. Which should it be like? I thought about it, it's very natural, so it can't be frowned upon. That's all I could create as far as a solution goes. People's complete obsession with it still seems weird, and working at an adult store seems less than normal. So I don't know what to think.

Then the water got cold and I ended my shower. Later that day I hung out with Scott some more; this is Scott Richards I speak of. It's great to see him again. It's been a few weeks since last, and before that it'd been a year. And now it'll be two more years, because of his mission. It's amazing the close friendship we created almost a decade ago. It's such a same I hadn't seen him more this summer, he's a great guy, and great fun to be around. We swam, or at least I did, he was on lifeguard duty so he couldn't, but we chatted and I spent the better part of 3 hours in the pool. During this time he spoke of disruptive kids he'd had to throw out earlier in the day. And later in the evening two kids came in and completely disregarded his words of warning as to the rules of the pool. I just don't understand some people. How can you be so inconsiderate? Why can't you just obey the rules he's placed down and make life easier? Why must you push the boundaries? I don't think he does it to make you feel badly, or to punish you, it's his job, he can't help it, he has to follow the rules given to him, and they are to enforce the rules of the pool. It's not hard to control yourself, you can easily walk and get to the same destination, and jump into the pool without flipping, so why must you make it difficult? I honestly wanted to beat the shit out of these kids. Tell them to stop being such asses and just listen to him. I did tell them they ought to stop being stupid and just listen, I said they were idiots and asked them if they had problems. That might not have helped, but it's a fair question I'd say. You have to have problems to completely disregard a direction given by an authority figure who is being extremely nice and not in the least rude. If Scott was a jerk, it'd make things different, then just to spite him you might have the urge to break rules, but he wasn't. He was so nice about it, but I could see the difficulty of him acting nice when they wouldn't listen. I'd have thrown them out. Told them they need to leave, and maybe next time listen. He didn't do what I would. Other than those two it was extremely enjoyable. I didn't have goggles so I had to close my eyes underwater, but that was okay because I'd always imagine I was back in Mexico scuba diving with fish and coral. I'd even pictured a sunken submarine, most likely because of The Pacific Vortex. It was a good use of relaxing time. If I hadn't had done that, I'd most likely sat at home accomplishing very little and sitting at this wretched computer. I hate how it controls my life. I can't help but have an attraction to it, where I glance every five minutes to see if the screen has changed. Has someone sent me a message? Is anything exciting happening? It's very ridiculous. If I didn't have a computer I'm sure life would be different. I'd certainly fill my time with other things. I could still write this in a book, like normal people do.

Afterwards I went with Scott for Little Caesars pizza, but not until after I had gone to his house. It brought back some memories, I hadn't been inside for over a year. It was nice to see his family again. I love them. It's actually kind of interesting how I made a transition from Scott's family to Jeff's. It's a very similar relationship, I'm very close and love both, and it just moved very smoothly. What can I say, I'm always loved by some entire family. Hahaha, re-reading that makes it funny; oh yeah I have a family too, and they do as well. The pizza was amazing, you drive up and they give you a pizza in like five seconds, and it's only five bucks. It was pretty tasty and quite filling. Good guy that Scott Richards.

And now I think I'll be leaving, into my dreamland. Goodnight.

Freaking Concrete

2005-07-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

One man cannot easily build a fence. I can't hold the freaking post up, mix the concrete and pour it in at once, by myself. It's freaking hard to do. I spent all day doing this, and adjusting the holes I already dug. For a one-man team I did a great job, except one post that got bumped or something, its a bit off, and seeing as how it's in concrete, it's stuck where it is. Ooops. Tomorrow I build the fences. Hopefully I can get those done in two days. I'm extremely slow, it took me all of 8.5 hours today to set 12 posts. That's so slow, as was my digging i guess.

I was thinking about James Bond today, while working, and decided I like those movies a lot and would like to own all of them. Mostly the older ones because they're way neat. The new ones are chill, but I'd make a better one that Peirce, come on, David Zavertnik or Peirce Brosnon. Simple choice right? Don't answer, you'll hurt my feelings.

I'm more tired today than I was yesterday. I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll come up with something neat to say tomorrow, because today wasn't much fun either. I think this work sucks out my coolness, or at least creativity.

You won't enjoy reading this; it's boring

2005-07-19T19:25:00.000-07:00

I got hired to a temporary job last night, so I had to wake up really early this morning, 6 o'clock kind of early. It was at the fairgrounds at 7 and so I left early to make a good impression, but stupid idiots at EO didn't tell me the right place to meet anyone, so I drove around to all the entrances I could find until alas I found the guy. I got to work, digging post-holes for a fence, and it actually went pretty well. The morning is a glorious time, I was quite comfortable, digging holes and listening to my iPod as I watched the morning unfold. The only real crappy part about the whole digging was that the holes I needed to dig sat right next to trees and their freaking roots blocked it and made it really hard to get anywhere. Then there was the fact the ground was dry and as hard as a rock, and full of rocks. It took all of 8.5 hours working to dig 12 holes. They were a foot and a half deep and varied from a foot to 2 feet in width and length.

I am glad I don't have to do this all the time, it wasn't much fun, and the roots made it hard. If they had all been like the second hole I dug, life would have been good. Tomorrow I fill the wholes with cement and set the posts, then depending on when they get done drying, start building the fence.

Rachel isn't nice and made fun of my blog last time, and it's basically going in the same direction, so that means she'll say this one sucks even worse. I don't do anything fun or interesting, and I don't feel like thinking right now.

I did stop by and see Jeff. His Europe trip seems like it was neat, but they had all these time constraints so I don't think they were able to enjoy the locations as much as they could have. He said it was fun, I believe him.

I wish I was James Bond. That man is so fucking smooth its ridiculous. Not to mention all the girls want him as it is. See, I have a problem in that department, and smooth, goodness. I didn't like how he just pushed this girl into getting hit, even though she was plotting against him, she didn't have to get hit. Too bad, I'm a better man than James, but he gets hot chicks, like Pussy Galore. Who is even named that? Come on. Ooh, Odd Job just wacked him, thats what he gets for hitting a ladie.

The list shall be completed

2005-07-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of actual summer, where the sun is hot, like it should be. I sat around in the morning after waking up late, and tried to decide what to do. I wanted to go out into the sun, but I didn't want to lay out in the back, or invite myself to a pool, or drive to Hawthorne. I basically wanted a pool in my backyard. That didn't happen so I went on a bike ride with Scott. We rode around, up to Brent's, soaked in the pool for a bit, then tanned. After that we went to 7-11 and got slurpees and drank those while heading home. The bike I was riding, my street bike, had a loose bolt and the seat was sliding up into a very uncomfortable position. We ended up at Justin's house where his dad fixed it, then he told us to head over to Jessie's and that’s where we could find Justin, so we did. They have a pool, that's nice. It was a pretty good time, until I realized my phone was still in my shorts and it was completely ruined. I have been wanting a new phone, so I guess now I'll have to get it, too bad though, it will be expensive.

I'm writing a to do list for this following week. Want to see it?
-Finish Thank you Cards and send them out (It's been over a month that I've been meaning to)
-Take care of give-away clothes
-Finish Pacific Vortex
-Finish The Da Vinci Code
-Drink 3 Nalgene's full of Water a day
-Mow Judsens lawn
-Home Yard work
-Fix up roadbike
-Go to the beach
-Ride with Greg
-Exercise once a day, either run or bike or situps/pushups
-Wake up Early
-Eat well
-Fill up a page of my green book
-Clear out my room of all old junk, add flowers.

That's that, a lot to do, we'll see how much I can get done tomorrow, It initially started as a tomorrow thing, but I couldn't fit it all in.

It's official, I'm going to college this fall

2005-07-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've once again let myself fall into the trap that is Hollywood entertainment. It's not something I can ever attain, nor something I am, but I'll state my thoughts anyways. I just saw Spanglish, and I'd like to be able to compare myself to Adam Sandlers character. He is so nice it's unbelievable and can always help people. I didn't do a good job of explaining him in any way shape or form, but if you go rent it and watch it, you'll see. It's just something I think I'm near to, not caring so much about how others treat me, but just being super chill and understanding of everything. I think it'd work out.

I got back from Eugene last night at 10:40. I will go ahead and go into a lengthy description of my stay down there. I got in around 9 on Wednesday to Kate Upton and John Ayres apartment. The complex they live in is extremely confusing and I can't find my way around very well after the one experience there before. But eventually I got the hang of it. When we got there they had just awoken from a nap, they seem to do that a lot. We got in and it was so close to nighttime we didn't do much, just sort of caught up and talked. We did eat a nice dinner at 12, we went to WinCo to buy groceries with them and made some pasta. After the late meal we went to bed; I had the aero bed from my house and Scott had their futon. We listened to our iPods and I fell asleep to Travis. I think I might overkill bands, I find one and latch on for an extended time until I find a new one to latch onto. Luckily I've discovered this recently and do my best to change it up so as not to allow this to happen.

The next morning we woke up at 7 to get their by 8 for Orientation, of course, with my skills, we got their a bit late, but it didn't matter because we were all herd into the athletic centers gym to watch a presentation that didn't start until 9. We waited, found Danny and Jared, and waited some more. Finally it began and we watched that and then split into groups. It was basically just like Tide Crew only on a larger scale and just as uninformative. I suppose it's mostly because I knew what they were saying and didn't have many questions. Either way, I didn't learn much of anything that day, but had a good time none-the-less. Walking the campus with new people was an experience for sure. I began to realize the implications of my leaving. I pushed on for the next 9 hours of the entire orientation and left after dinner in the Carson Hall. Scott and I went back to the apartment and once again chilled. We rented a movie; Fight Club, and watched it over some Ben and Jerry's. I can't say I liked that movie so much. It was too dark for my taste and it made me feel ill. It was just a crappy situation for the guy and he was pretty much crazy. The only aspect that might have sparked an interest was the thought of being beat the crap and seeing how I would end up. Could I actually get up after it like they did? Could I knock a guy out? No one will no, I don't intend on figuring that one out. I went to bed and had a hard time falling asleep. With the mood that the movie put me into, and the day’s events I had my first experience of feeling a little scared to move onto college.

After sleeping in past my alarm Scott and I woke up at 8, late, again, for our quick start to get to FIG sign-ups. We signed up for Cultural Studies of the Middle East and both got in. Unfortunately, later when I had my appointment with an advising to schedule I ended up dropping it because of a schedule conflict. Let me say one thing about my advisory experience, that woman was a freaking moron. I couldn't stand the way she talked, she wouldn't come to a point, and was as little help as possible in a very important thing. I wanted her to help me to figure out what to schedule in, but all she did was talk about useless garbage. At any rate I got my schedule and have 4 classes, and will need to sign up for a 5th when the stupid Oregon computers update my AP score into their data bank. I need writing 122 because I've tested out of 121, but you're not allowed to sign up until the score comes in, and they haven't got it. Pretty much that day, Friday, made me as angry as possible, I was frustrated with the idiot who couldn't fix problems and relaxed only upon playing Oregon Trail on John and Kate's computer. Boy is that game fun, I made it to Oregon with the second highest score. Scott and I did, that is, he played most of it, I just advised, much better than my advisor did for me. I actually helped him make decision unlike the stupid bitch who just confused me. Apparently nothing happened while I was gone either, so any place I went it’d most likely have turned out the same.

I met a few kids down there, and saw lots that I will be interacting with later on. Of the Architecture there is already a girl I don't like. She has an obnoxious voice and talks too much. Other girls seemed pretty neat. I'm sure it'll be nice to meet new people with common interests. The girls are certainly in no short supply.

On second review I don't know how pleasurable it would be to be like the character from Spanglish. He seemed lonely; no one showed him the love he showed everyone else. Except his daughter, but I don't think that'd be quite the satisfaction you'd want. Well, he doesn't have that to start at least; he finds it then loses it. Too bad, that would suck. I can't say I've had very good luck myself. Well, like I said before, lots of girls at UO, plenty more chances. Fifth time maybe? or maybe it will take more mistrials. Either way, something will work out.

how do I feel right now? A little disappointed I guess. My dog just bit my nose when I was playing with it, and that wasn't too neat. It hurt and all I was doing was being cool to her. It wasn't even a playful bite, it was vicious, and quick. A face full of dog in a flash. I'm also tired, although I haven't done much of anything except eat, sleep, and walk a stupid dog that bites me later. I walked her a long ways too, gave her good exercise. Stupid Katy. I don't know what I want to make me happy now. I'm also no unhappy though, just sort of middle groundish, no rewards or exciting events. I'll figure life out one day, that'll make me happy. Big time smile happy, or maybe not, it could be terribly disappointing.

You say you love me, now do it again

2005-07-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

This morning started out pretty crappy, for one I didn't sleep well. I think the way my pillows were laid out my head wasn't supported enough or something because when I woke up I felt sick to my stomach. I think that happens to me a lot. That wasn't fun, and on top of that I was being told to get stuff done ASAP for my family. Now it might not seem like a big deal, but whenever someone else needs something done, or wants something done, it has to be on their schedule, but if I need something or want something, I have to wait. It sucks. So I drove around basically all afternoon in the least efficient way possible. First I had to take clothes to Plato's closet with my sister, but she had to get back, so I drove home, then my mom had clothes that I didn't have time for before that so, I went back out to aloha to some more adult style things of the same type, and wait there for half an hour. And instead of going back to Plato's to pick up what I dropped off, I had to take my grandma who was with me home to orenco so she could drive my mom to an appointment, then I had to get my car and drive all the way back to Plato's closet, pick up all my clothes since they only took a pair of pants, and drive back home to a shelter place to donate them. Absolutely inefficient and pretty much a waste of my time.

Then I get home and am beckoned to go pick up stuff for my dad at the eye doctor.

Reading this makes me sound like a jerk, like I can't even help out around the house. I get upset for people asking me to help, uh oh! Better not strain a muscle driving around to get stuff, it's tough work. I guess I'm not really used to all of this garbage; normally I get to sit around and do what I want.

I watched an interesting movie today, Kinsey. It was quite ridiculous at parts, but somewhat interesting. I don't know that I'd recommend, especially not for watching with parents, and people who are uncomfortable with sex. It is after all about the sex doctor who made scientific research about sexual habits. Very weird at parts.

Then I went on a run and it was nice. I was sitting in my room, looking outside at the wonderful evening sky; it was very cool, and comfortable. So I was thinking about biking, but it didn't seem like something I wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was to Skateboard, but I'm not good, and I don't have one, so I ran. I ran and ran and ran. I went down harewood to jackson, then to kathryn up past Katie's house and through brents apartment area, then up to 15th I think that is, and down towards the parks and rec center, then up that road to 25th, and down 25 past by the airport to Evergreen, then down Evergreen to sunset or whatever and through those neighborhoods home. Quite a run. It took around an hour. It probably shouldn't have, I doubt that's too far as far as miles go. But my pace wasn't very impressive so I would imagine it might have been 6 miles. I haven't run in such a long time though, I'm pleased with how I did. Then there are the nice bloody blisters I got on my toes mid run.I didn't stop except for a drink of water and to adjust my ipod. It ended up overheating so it stopped towards the end. I listened to Arcade Fire for a bit until I messed something up and it went to Travis. Good stuff for running I thought. I'm very tired, an hour of running is a lot, and my legs are weak. I'm going to go take a cold shower since my sister used up all the hot water. I'm loved by my family.

ALSO! I'M GOING TO EUGENE FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS! Goodbye

Sprechen Sie Germany?

2005-07-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

It's been two days but it hasn't seemed so. I've been less worried with thoughts and more able to be free in my mind and let things wander. That's quite a relief, and while things didn't work out exactly as I might have hoped for, they aren't too shabby.

Life as of late has been good. Yesterday I can't remember what I did, I think I went shopping. It must have been yesterday. I bought three shirts from gap; green, yellow, and red, a lovely stretch polo from Express as well as an amazing pair of black dress pants, and to top it all off, white sailor shorts. The shorts are linen and super comfortable and look nice. My Mohawk, or fauxhawk as I'm told it's to be called, was also trimmed yesterday and now it looks perfect, or as perfect as I can get it.

How I love that green shirt I bought. It's great. Last night I also watched Finding Neverland, boy is that movie good. Johnny Depp is such a good actor, and his accent is amazing. I wish I could fake an accent, especially that Scottish one, or an Australian one. I've been told the ladies like an Australian accent.

Then today I got up really early, like 8:15 and went into Portland with Scott to talk to the German Consoulet. She was really nice, but not what we had anticipated. None the less she gave us enough information to please, and I couldn't help but smile the whole time. She talked in German to all the other customers and it was so awesome. I could pick up just enough of it that I didn't hate myself for not speaking it. Then we walked around, looked at nice stuff in Pioneer Place and headed home. Then we played airsoft, and that biatch hit me in the face. After I shot him mind you. So everyone when you see Scott give him a horrible time and make him feel terrible. He single handedly made me ugly. I now have a huge red spot on my face that might be mistaken as a giant pimple. HA! That’s what you get for using a gas gun against a nearly defenseless man Scott. I'll turn the world against you. But then everything will be fine because I won't hate him, and don't now, I just want to make him feel bad for a bit. As if Hannah being gone isn't crappy enough.

Then, I went over and baked apple sauce something's at the Upton's and came home for dinner. We had a chicken and cheese something casserole. It was good, and I ate a salad for a change. I really ought to eat healthier; I just crave a lot of junk though. I love to munch on sweets. I ought to substitute in carrots, and exercise. Ahh exercise, how I long to be fit and have a six pack instead of a full gut. And have muscles for arms. I should be a bit bigger than I am, then I could just maintain and life would be good. But do you know how hard it is to get into exercising? Very hard. It's really spur of the moment kind of deals, unless you're truly disciplined which I am not.

This is overly cliché, but after all this thought about life and crap for the past week I've started to realize I don't know where I'm going and I need to figure this out, but I don't even know how to get started- this has been one very long sentence.

i can't get no, satisfaction

2005-07-10T00:08:00.000-07:00

I've really got to start living day by day; it'd simplify a lot of things I think. My mind gets cluttered and I drift towards fantasy and daydreams if I start to look into the future for things.

This morning I woke up at 11, which makes it difficult when you're supposed to be donating blood at that time. I was sure last night, when I was up until 2 or 3 because of the thoughts that were drowning me, that I'd be late to it, or wake up late. No matter, I rushed over and just as Mapquest said, it took fifteen minutes to get there. Being 25 minutes late was no bother to them, they were just glad I showed. Unfortunately due to how late in the day it was that I was giving, everyone had gone on break, and only about 3 people were actually working. I waited an hour and fifteen minutes to give, and I'm glad it turned out as well as it did. The side I was on was not one I wished to be, I wanted to be on the other side, where I saw confident nurses and confident donators. On my side the nurses seemed uneducated or at least incompetent, and the majority of the people donating had problems with veins not being right, or poor workmanship. It was a relief when my donation was smooth sailing and I was out after 8 minutes. This is much slower than the 5 it took me last time, mostly because I drank considerably more liquids then compared to this one where I forgot to do that. In any event, I saved 3 lives. Most people might feel satisfied, I'm not.

I don't think I'm easily satisfied, not much actually does satisfy me, I'm always searching for more or something else to fill a void. I think I must have a gaping hole somewhere inside me. I think if you were to take a picture like that of the Matrix where you saw pure energy, I would radiate enough to light the whole world. It'd be too much to look at. At least that’s the way I feel, I think I need an evil villain to come in and suck the energy from me.

There I go again, fantasy. Goodness, why can't I find a real way of releasing it? I could run until I fell down, but that'd be hard for me to get to do, and wouldn't even really accomplish anything. It's not just that energy, it’s like if you were to have levels of everything in me, there'd be Happiness, Love, Stress, Anger, Physical Energy, and mental energy, and a whole lot more I can't think of at the moment. And right now, Happiness is middle level and could probably go up, love is full I need to release it, stress is creeping up, anger is empty and ought to stay there, and physical energy is high and needs to go away, and mental energy is on the decline which coincides with the stress deal. I want to release the full bars like they are a valve and just release the pressure building up from them. I also want to clear things up inside my mind and delete some of the fantasy makers and replace them with realist.

I think if I were to go into coma I would lead a fantastic life inside my head. If all I had was my fantasy, I'd have the most romantic love story, exciting action adventures, and funniest comedies, but there is no place for that here. In Hollywood maybe, but in reality it just won't happen, and that’s getting to be pretty ridiculous. I think when I lose them though, I feel less humane and more of a pessimist and lose my caring nature. Whets worth staying here though? Not much really, my life hasn't brought forward anything great, and I'm not good at reaching out to get it, and usually in turn end up pushing it away unconsciously.

I'm still going to go with I need to act more than I think. I know that will only lead to trouble, those who don't think first get into tough shit, but it'd be a relief for once. After sitting back for 17 years I'm ready to get into something. If I acted fewer problems would arise inwards, but along with that comes outward problems. I'd cause problems if I acted on lots of my instincts, and it’s all about finding the right balance, but I honestly don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do much of anything related to bettering myself.

I went out to a movie and dinner tonight. Actually it was dinner, then a movie, then hanging out. We got hot chocolate, from Bella's, and it was once again, delicious. Then we had a good conversation, we're pretty much on the same page, as far as that goes. I looked good tonight as well. I worked on getting my hair to stand up, and then I wore my nice jeans and shoes, and had my glasses on. Any girl that saw me thought about it. HA!

I'm an idiot!

2005-07-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

Of all the stuff I said I wanted to do today I accomplished....none of it, imagine that. I woke up and it was raining, or about to, I actually woke up fairly early, like 9:15. I picked up my Grandma from her house in Orenco and brought her to our house. She liked my haircut.

Then Anneliese and I went shopping for her work clothes, she got a job at Office Depot. The dress code is black pants and baby blue button up shirt. We went to Plato's closet first; she found a shirt and a coat. I told her she looks good in pink awhile ago, she said she hates it, yet she still buys it and apparently now it’s growing on her. I was right from the get-go. Then we went to other stores, but the big news it Express has a huge ass sale going on and I'm going to go tomorrow and buy a whole bunch of new clothes. Actually, just about every store we went to had a good amount of clothes on sale; I'll stop by Banana Republic too. They both have nice clothes that look good. Shopping with friends is fun, today was quite a bit of that. Miss Koehler is quite the cool person. We went to Bella espresso and got probably the best hot chocolate I'd had in quite some time, and we got zucchini bread that tastes like a mixture of Pumpkin and Banana Bread, at least to me, but I tasted a Mango the other day and thought of a carrot taste, so don't go off my judgment. I don't really know what she thought of my haircut, I think it might be growing on me a bit; at first I didn't like it much at all. None the less, I will be keeping it for a few days.

I can't remember what I did afterwards. Sometime after that stuff I took my brother to get his glasses. He's a giant copy-cat; he bought a pair that are very similar to mine. He just knows I have impeccable tastes and wants to dress like me; it's not his fault that I'm so good.

I've become a clean-freak. I actually cleaned up the kitchen tonight. Not even asked to, I just said, "what the crap people? Clean up after yourselves!" And then I grew a goatee and turned into my dad. My goodness, I have picked it up off of him so bad, but the thing is, messes don't really bother me, its the fact that I have absolutely nothing else to do. When I'm bored I clean.

But I did watch Hostage tonight and that was a good movie. It was also pretty intense at a few parts, and I see myself as the youngest kid in that, if I were to be one of them. The oldest kid, my goodness, I wanted to freaking punch him out. He's such a terrible person, and the older brother wasn't that good to the younger one. I won't tell too much about it if you were to want to watch it later. But I got mad at that one kid, seriously I wanted to tackle him. I don't know why fantasy things get me riled. Maybe because its safe to get into that, because if it were real, I'd crap my pants and hide and be a baby. I haven't felt like very fulfilled lately, I want to do more, more cool stuff. I want to accomplish something, nothing I do is cool, recognizably cool. But why do I need to be recognized? That’s stupid, I'm conflicting with myself as we speak, I say one thing and mean another, or have thoughts and deny them. It's happened too many times, if I were strong I'd change it, but I'm weak sauce, and it'll stay the same.

I get so into music. I think I must be 100% fantasy person, all I do is dream, never to be in reality. With music I feed this, I can play a CD and lay in bed and just let go. I dream and let loose of anything that's be clogging my thoughts. I also tend to dream about fixing things in life, or doing things that, if it were real life, I'd never do. Dammit. I did have an interesting daydream where I had a few lip rings. I think they came up from my new haircut and how its not like me, which lip rings aren't. I should use fake ones and see how that'd look. Maybe I'll become a punk-face kid. No, I wouldn't like that, I like the clothes I have. I'm changing though, I can feel that happening and its not just appearance. It's thoughts, and friends, and everything around me. It's a lot to think about.

I manage to fuck everything up. I do that a lot too, lose lots of good things that way. Whats my problem?

Boom boom zap

2005-07-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

Today wasn't too bad of a day at all. The sun was out while I was out, so that made most of it fun. Scott and I went to this rock and bark dust place and picked out a few small boulder deals for our front lawn and that was pretty interesting. I'd never done anything like that before. Then we came home and didn't do much at all. In fact, I honestly can't remember what it was we did the entire time. I remember an incredibly intense game of Halo. He versus I in a battle royale style with Rockets.

I should have won, I had 29 kills, the score was to 25. Unfortunately, because of my quick reactions I shot him point blank, and with Rockets a little bit of an explosion occurs. I died. 6 times. So because of those, and Scott's lack of suicides, he won. It was so close though. It was so incredibly intense.

Then we decided to go see a Timbers game again. Unfortunately for us they weren't playing. Instead it was the Beavers, and luckily we went to Fred Meyers to get our tickets beforehand. That’s when we were told it was in fact a Beavers game and the Seattle game we anticipated going to was tomorrow, in Seattle. Oh well, we thought, we'll find something else to do. After all, we'd be planning to go see a movie and that didn't happen twice, now was the time. So Megan and Nicole, who had planned on going to the game with us, instead drove with us to Corn-town to see War of the Worlds.

Now lots of people have thoughts on this movie. The plot sucked, yada yada yada. Well, it's all true, but I didn't care. I didn't go into it to see an excellent dialogue or plot, I wanted to see amazing special effects and aliens and stuff. The plot worked out just fine for my enjoyment, I didn't have to think for the 2.5 hours I was there for, and that’s what I went to see a movie for. The movie was good I'd say. Sure things didn't make sense, but that’s fine. It's good, go see it. Also, it was so absolutely intense; it had me so wired through out the entire thing. It was just like super high anticipation and way intense. It was fun.

Oh I forgot to mention an important thing we did before we made it to the movie. I got a haircut. I can't remember how it came about, Megan threw in getting it done before the movie, Scott threw in shaving it, we all decided on a mow hawk for a few days, so now that’s where it is. I'll put pictures on myspace as soon as I take them, and then put them on here soon enough. It's not a very good look for me, but I couldn't get it to stick up, maybe once I get that it will be okay. Also Megan and Scott didn't cut it all the way even; Nicole chose not to cut any. She's a cool girl; she's going to Mexico on Saturday so everyone ought to be jealous. I know I am.

Nothing else happened tonight, except that I watched an excellent program on the human muscles and bones on Discovery channel. That was good, and also worth catching.

Things are just feeling so hard lately. I've been feeling worn out, mentally mostly. I just want to clear it all out, and go back to simple. Maybe an extended vacation would work out. I don't know what, my mind just feels full lately. Too many hard thoughts. My family has been asking a lot more of me than usual, and that’s getting to be hard too. My simple days are being filled with things I need to do, versus what I want to do. My eyes are tired of it too. As weird as it may seem, I keep working things out in there and seeing them, and it is straining, maybe that’s just my eyes now, after a long day and now looking at the computer screen, but I think I'm going to take a break tomorrow. Exercise a lot. I think I'll play some tennis to start, then go on a long ass bike ride, and then maybe some swimming, and relaxing in a hot tub of some sort, somewhere, then read. That’s sounds nice.

I think I've pinned it down to a feeling of inadequacy, or incompetence. I can't do anything I want to. That’s frustrating.

Morning is amazing

2005-07-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 7 to take my car to my mechanics today. It was a glorious thing; the morning was. On the way home my dad and I stopped at Home Depot and it was pretty much amazing. The entire place was empty, even the parking lot, and the sun was up and it was becoming really warm. I need to start getting to bed earlier so I can enjoy that more often. Maybe I'll make it to sunrise at 5:30 or whatever it's at now. Man I wish I was a morning person, because morning people can handle late night, they get tired, but it can happen, I can't even get the freak up before 9 these days.

Then I did some other things with Scott. And watched Hitch at home.

I'll get to work on my smoothness factor ASAP.

Mr. Officer, if you've come to take her, then that means one of us goin' end up in a stretcher

2005-07-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

229 years ago today our Country became known as the United States of America after we became officially independent of Britain.

Now-a-days we light fireworks and have barbeques to celebrate that joyous occasion.
This morning started out sort of slow, I was half asleep for most of the afternoon while I did even more yard work, this time for my dad, and then took a lazy few hours to play video games and rest. It wasn't until about 5 or 6 that I started getting going. It's sad since that’s only about 6 or 7 hours ago, but what can you do? Hot days make people lazy, and I was no exception. I'll try and recall everything I did before the night began. I don't think I ate breakfast, wait, yes I did, I had a cinnamon roll. Then I began working on the lawn with my dad, and afterwards I showered and went to Lowes and Home Depot in search of a replacement grill wheel. Neither place specifically had them so I had to improvise, that is, after my dad told me to instead look for any single wheel's that could have a rod going through them. I was in his car at the time. I should now tell you that I went alone, and made about 5 phone calls home for more specifications, and take note of me being in his car. I go back into Home Depot, gooh! I just realized I've had a penny in my mouth this whole time. I'll probably get a VD or something, gross, I'm going to wash my mouth out. Anyways, I go into Home Depot and get two wheels and come out only to discover I don't have the keys in either pant pocket. OH CRAP! What am I supposed to do? Where did I put them, they couldn't have fallen out could they? Crap, crap crap crap! I walk around the other side of the car to check what I felt would be an unlikely place; I couldn't have left them in the ignition. Wait, yes, yes I did. Fantastic, I've left the keys in the ignition the entire time I was in the store and now I'm locked out. So I have to call my dad again and have him give me the pass code for the car.

Now I'm home and begin to play video games and watch tv and eat a meat sandwich. Probably upwards of a quarter pound of turkey, ham, and bologna. Then I decided I'd like to learn a few songs on the guitar that I had been listening to by The Arcade Fire, and I began to play them as they played. It wasn't too difficult to figure it out and I felt good about myself for doing that. I figured out bits of 3 songs today. Other than that I felt pretty sluggish and crappy, but then we hit early evening, 5/6, and I get more active, our barbeque is about to begin, family is arriving, and so I start to move around. I get a strawberry daiquiri and end up spilling 85% of it in the garage near the nice digital camera. Then like 30 random neighbors and neighbors friends came and polluted my driveway, so I being the anti-weird-stranger social person I am, went inside and ate my lovely hamburger there. My brothers and I then watched on the History channel a story about a counterfeit who counterfeit casino tokens and made mad bank off that, and didn't get caught for a few years, and now he works with the US Mint to help prevent it. Pretty freaking rad if you ask me.

Then I went out and enjoyed the evening. First Scott Richards and I talked and lit fireworks together. Oh, and assisted every kid in the neighborhood in adding cardboard and bottles to their bike to make it sound cool. My fireworks usually beat his out.
Later on in the night, after Scott left, and the big illegal fireworks were coming into play, I rediscovered the coolness that is Kalena LeAnne Bell. She's definitely a way rad girl, and I enjoyed talking with her. She just got back from Hawaii, that lucky girl, I wouldn't have minded two weeks in the Tropical Sun with the chance to learn to surf. She apparently is big into road biking so we decided we'll end up doing that sometime. And possibly the beach this week. That'd be a lot of fun. I've wanted to go forever.

I still really want to do that coastal campout.

ahh.....

2005-07-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up after 10 and went to my grandparent’s house to take care of their lawn. As I began listening to music my mind began to really wander and it was sort of an odd thing. It's strange how certain music relates not only to certain events, but to people, and when you hear a certain song, you might think of that event or that person. Then I turned on Mew and those ended and I was able to be productive. Mew is a good band to kind of zone out and get stuff done to, I don't know that any of you would like them, they're foreign and have a different sound, but they're worth trying. I am pretty sure I did the most fantastic job anyone ever has with a manual push-mower. So for this thing to make a dent in the grass you have to make at least 5 trips around the entire area of the lawn, and rake the excess away. After doing that I edged wonderfully, and overall it looks pretty great. Of course I raked the rest of the crap and the weeds were removed, but that wasn't what made it look as good as it did. The fact that a few weeks ago, when I had forgotten to mow it then did, it looks almost dead, and now it’s completely green. I'm good.

Then I came home and played Video games with my cousin and Brother. The Timbers game definitely got me in a mood to play soccer, so the yesterday I rented one for my X Box. It's funny to play because it’s not in any way realistic as far as rules because it is perfectly acceptable to slide tackle, kick, or push a guy over, even when he doesn't have the ball. But that’s what makes it worth playing; I can pretty much kick the crap out of every team on it. Mexico is really hard though, they're good.

Later in the evening, after my chicken dinner and 6 scoops of ice cream(I've been eating terribly ever since that campout, and that really needs to change, I feel awful) I tried to start a little LAN party of Tiger Woods golf with my brother and dad, but their computers were messing up and that didn't work out.

Then Becky came knocking on the door, and it turns out she was on a run and was in the neighborhood and stopped by. We walked back to her house and talked, then hung out for the rest of the night.

That is, until I got back and finished The Inferno 2 with my brother, minus the last episode, On Demand didn't have that one, stupid fool, completely ruined it for me. I want to watch it. It’s really intriguing watching people and how they act. Not just in TV, but in real life. If you can be completely indifferent, which I’m usually pretty good at, it works out. I’ve noticed things about others behaviors, and even what they say and see the motivation behind it and whether it’s just or just from the moment. That kind of creates a lack of personal interest though. I’m not sure where it really fits in, caring, and not caring. It’s hard to explain really. It’s like there’s times when I know I ought to care about what is being said and I truly do, and others that I feel bad because I don’t really care, but I care about the person and listen, but it doesn’t affect me. It’s sort of a double-edged knife. You can say you don’t care what people say, and in some regards that’s a very good thing, it means you’re confident about yourself, and then other times it seems, to me at least, to mean you don’t care about the person or their feelings and that’s not good at all. It’s terribly difficult to find a happy medium. Except the times when all the person really wants or needs is someone to listen.

I haven’t expressed all of my thoughts here tonight. Some of the things I want to put down are a little too hard to word.

Oh well

2005-07-03T00:25:00.000-07:00

My Brother is home sick with Mono, the kissing disease, which apparently isn't actually passed on from it. I don't see how it can't be, you are swapping saliva, if you roll that way, and swapping bodily fluids usually transmits disease, but I don't really feel like looking it up, so I'll take his word.

Yesterday I didn't do much that I can recall. I know I did yard work for a few hours finishing our Job at the Wendell’s. Then in the evening Anneliese, Scott, Megan, and her friend Nicole came over and we watched Life Aquatic. I can't say I thought it was amazing, it was alright, I'd have to watch it again. Maybe I ought to get high first. I'm beginning to imagine that’s part of the reason the sources saying it was such an amazing movie said so. Any who, it wasn't too shabby. The way it was shot was interesting, and the fact that money wasn't an issue was funny because they had basically anything they wanted. Like freaking handguns for each member, except the interns who had to share. But who gives their crew a gun to have just because they can? Weird, weird movie.

And then today was a lazy day. I woke up late, didn't mow my grandparents lawn like I usually do. I don't really care though, I get it done tomorrow. Then I watched TV with my brother Jake. We watched on Demand MTV Inferno 2. We basically watched the entire show in an hour and a half. If you fast forward through all the crap it’s really short. All I was interested in were the challenges; the fighting didn't interest me much. These people must get paid. No way would I do anything remotely close to what they do if the camera was on me. Well, I can't say I'd do anything remotely close to what they do even without cameras. I've realized I fairly chill guy compared to others. Little things don't bother me. If people want to talk about me behind my back, I don't think I'd care much. I'd certainly be curious, but I'm not going to throw their crap into a pool. I think it’s because most things I don't take extremely seriously. It's just sort of fun, and I'll play with it. I'm glad I stay away from conflict, or if I am involved, I'm usually trying to solve it for others.

I think the only things that get me upset are video games and my family leaving crap in my room. Oh, and Mr. Powell, I hate that man. Music definitely doesn't do anything to me. It affects Scott a lot, but me, I can't get pumped. Oh well. That will be on my gravestone: "DAVID BURTON ZAVERTNIK, 'OH WELL'," dates are thus far unknown, unless...my death is going to be on November 01 2079. So it will officially say,

DAVID BURTON ZAVERTNIK
August 3rd 1987
To
November 1st 2079
'Oh well.....'

Ah yes, it will be nice. I think it ought to be a tall one, one of the obelisque types. I like them the most. And perhaps some engravings on it. But look at that, that isn't for another 74 years, meaning I'll have lived 92 years. Hopefully the later of them had been healthy and I just died one day, maybe from saving my wife from her death. That's the way I'd like to go out, old and healthy.

Timbers game and more

2005-06-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today was a good time, in the morning I worked for four hours doing stuff for Mr. Wendell. In the time Scott and I turned a weed-filled planter, it was like 20 feet long) into a nice looking, newly tan barked, planter.

Then Megan called and we went swimming at the Lindsey Pool which, no offense to Brent and his apartment is way better than Brent's apartment’s pool. The water was so warm and clear and deep, it felt like I was scuba diving again. I wish I could, I had such a good time with that. Maybe I could sometime, probably not though.

Then, in like an hours notice we fricking whipped out a plan for a few of us to go into Portland and see a Timbers game. My goodness, I haven't been living to my full extent! I need to go to every match of theirs. No where else is it acceptable, or even encouraged, to yell curse words, flip people the bird, or drink so much alcohol. These soccer matches are the shiznit. The crowd was so energized and trendy too! I'm pretty sure Soccer has the trendiest fans I've seen. But it was so much fun! I wish I knew all the cheers the fan section did so I could join them. I definitely want to get a scarf like the rest. Whenever an opposing team member fell down after being hit, they'd flip the scarves over to reveal, "No Pity!" Oh, it appears I can print out all the cheers off the Timbers Army website. And the scarves are only $8, very solid. So anyways, whenever the ref would call a "bad call" the entire Army would flip them off. It was so entertaining, and then when the goalie(theirs) would kick it off, the fans would be clapping, then when he made contact, it'd go, "You are an asshole" or something like that. Absolutely classic. I'll definitely have to make it to a few more this summer. If anyone feels the urge to join me, let me know.

Then Megan and I drove around for a bit. It's awfully hard to think of things to do spur of the moment that will last a good hour and a half. I probably ought to make a list of late night things; we seem to run into that problem often. Also, if anyone has any good reasonable ideas, let me know. Glow-in-the-dark Frisbee comes to mind, and star gazing, but that’s about it. Peace out. Cheers to a good day.

poop

2005-06-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

So it appears Germany isn't going to happen, at least not as we had hoped. The funds are weak, and our not being hired anywhere isn't helping that. It seems we might try and fit it in September. It's incredibly unfortunate and disappointing. I guess a shorter trip will do, but it won't be as we planned. Despite the disappointment, it also screwed us for jobs, we told everyone we'd be leaving mid-August, and now that it won't happen, we could have worked at least through August. Dammit, I'm so disappointed.
There happened to be good news, Megan says I'll possibly get an interview with Old Spaghetti Factory working as a host, and apparently everyone there is nice and I'd be getting paid. I'd like it if I got that job. Heidi Uecker is pulling for me too. And now I'll be able to work longer and make a bit of money. I might as well spend every minute possible working. No need for a real life, not like I do anything anyways. Hangouts with Megan would probably be the social events of the week, not that they pretty much aren't already. I mean I hangout with Scott, but that’s like a Brother deal, not a big social thing.
F*Bomb! I wanted that. On a lighter note I read 80+ pages of Pacific Vortex last night. It is Dirk Pitt's first adventure, he's the guy from Sahara, the main character, and this book is really good. I'll go back to reading that, it'll make me happy. Bye

What BIATCH!

2005-06-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my computer finked out, so I couldn't exactly do this, but to recap, so as not to miss a minute of my most, exceptional and exciting life, here it is:

I woke up fairly late in the day, my usual 11 o'clock or so, and had a lazy few hours spent on eating and getting ready. Then I began the long effort of deep cleaning my room. Deep cleaning meant vacuuming the corners of the room and around the moldings. Not to mention throwing away all the crap I've been collecting for the past year or so. I've decided that when I actually get to the beach for a large bonfire, I'll bring all four years worth of school work and whatnot, and burn it all, very symbolically as to rid myself of that chapter of life and begin anew next year. It looks nice now, not that it's a giant difference, its just less cluttered.

Then I did my best to save a frog. It was in my driveway, and when I got the word from my sister, she told me it had been there in the early morning when she was on her way out, but she figured it'd run away soon enough. Turns out it was hurt. It was bleeding from its mangled hands, or what would be hands if it were human. And I think an arm was broken because he kept it wrapped under his body. One eye was also different from the other. It looked at though the left eye had been popped because the right had a circular jelly-type thing on it, whereas the left didn't. And in front of that left eye it had a cm long gash, a big one for this little creature. I picked it up and took it inside to get it in a box full of water and vegetation to make a makeshift home. Then my grandma helped out and called the vet, pet smart, fish and wildlife, Oregon humane society, and a few other places to see what we could do. None knew, other than taking it back to the swamp by our house and letting it go on as it would in nature. A crappy deal for the frog, I hoped the doctors could fix it. So I took it back down to the wetlands, as near to the water as I could get without putting it in, for fear of it drowning; it didn't move the entire time, other than to open its mouth and breathe I guess. So it was alive, we knew that. I decided I'd check on it the next day, which happens to be today, and I did. When I went to the spot I had put it, I didn't see anything, nor anywhere near. This leads me to believe its okay; the optimistic view. Surely I could say a raccoon or some other animal came by and ate it, or moved it to their den, but I choose to believe it was okay, and after we looked after it, it moved around and will be back to normal in no time.

Throughout the day yesterday I had the strong urge to workout and/or wrestle. I don't know what triggered it, but I didn't do anything about it. Instead I said to myself I'd get out and do something today. Can you guess what happened?

I slept in this morning, to the same time, so I guess it’s not exactly sleeping in, just waking up late. It was 11 and I knew I should have woken up earlier. What could I do? I decided to start eating healthier and had a good solid breakfast instead of a weenie one like usual, or none at all. It's not that I eat poor food, I only divulge in sweets every so often these days, and after the campout I think I'm done for the next few months. But I just have bad eating habits. I don't eat square meals, and my snacks aren't healthy, they're granola bars and that sort of crap. I need to eat fruit and vegetables. And eat square meals. Then I work out.

Tonight I chopped wood. What a good feeling that was. At first I hated it, I couldn’t split any of it, and I felt über weak compared to Scott who would split it in a few chops. Then I got the hang of it, and used proper form and split it like a beast. And that’s where that tonight’s title came from. I'd pretty much yell at the wood when I got it. It felt so good to actually accomplish something. It was tiring, which I'm happy for. I haven't exhausted my muscle in forever, and they needed it I think. I wish I had trees that needed chopping or, neighbors that did. It's such a good workout, lots of heavy lifting and arm use, and its not hard tiring, it was actually sort of fun. So if you need your wood split and chopped down to firewood size, let me know, I'm game. This was at Hannah's, and tomorrow morning at 8, I WILL GET UP EARLY, we're going back to do other yard work. Mr. Wendell was such a smart guy, and he bought several houses around the area and rents them out. That’s what I'd like to do when I get the money, its such a solid investment. And it's something that you could have, spend a some good time making it really good, and then sit back, somewhat, have a good job going, and maintain the places and become rich. I'm going to do it to.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day; I'm going to get some rest.

Bow-chica-Bow-wow

2005-06-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

U of O isn't going to be UW; I have to remind myself of this. I've been thinking a lot, actually picturing but thinking is close enough, and I've been imagining what next year will be like. I've been seeing Scott and I in the dorm rooms, but I am only familiar with UW's dorms thanks to Jake, so I keep seeing those. And when I think we'll study at the library, I keep picturing the Bill Gates Library of UW. I need to stop doing this because I'm not going to UW next year with Scott, we're going to UO, and this kind of frightens me. Maybe I've been building up college as UW College, and in reality (the UO version) it could be way less cool, and not nearly as nice or comfortable. I can picture the days of Outdoor School where the cafeteria sucked, and the bunks were all worn and not appealing. I don't want that. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but I get that sort of, less than appealing feeling, when I think of unfamiliar places.

And situations. Not ODS, but whenever there is a new experience, an awkward, less than appealing image of the event pops up, and that’s what makes me shy away from such things. I like familiar things, but usually these new ones turn out.

Last night was good. Scott and I did a great job of hosting a small camp-out deal in his backyard. I'd say the company was pretty good, while it did have its conflicts. It's funny; you'd imagine when having such a small portion of people you could steer clear of such things. That part was too bad. But I can't deny I had fun. Because most all things like this section off, it wasn't unexpected for that to happen, but what was unexpected, was it didn't turn out to suck. I could spend time with each of the people, enjoying their company, then move to another and have a good time. How many could we have had you ask? Three, but that was max, it was usually two. And I don't honestly think that was to be rude to the others, just some people had interests in some things, and others didn't. The fire pit was nice. I liked it there. It's pretty amazing how hot the ambers/cinders, embers, whatever they are called were compared to the fire. When it had almost died out- the fire- I moved around some chunks of wood, and released big bunches of heat from the cinders and it was cool. I threw a dime in, lots of people threw lots of things into the fires, but I threw a dime, it got so hot that when I touched a stick to it, the stick caught on fire. Very cool.

It's just sort of unfortunate when people don't mind others, feelings/rules. It's happened more than just last night. Brent's gracious enough to open his apartment to us, yet a large portion of those involved don't respect his house. You can't do whatever you want, its someone else’s home, you should abide by their rules. But recently he's made actual rules. 3 of them, and don't break them, or I'm alright with helping him either kick you out, or kick your ass. I'm tired of that kind of thing. Like last night, as with most hangouts, there are the kids who try to be somewhat responsible, last night that was Scott and I. While others were being responsible, we had the house to look after, so we were more so. So when people don't respect that, its hard, and frustrating. I'd rather not have to nag others about not throwing certain things in fires, and it makes it even worse when people bitch about it. And the overall respect of others. It's rare, but some people just aren't respectful of other people, and then they get upset when you bring it up.

This leads me to....standing up for yourself or someone. It feels really nice. It feels a lot better than sitting around not voicing my disapprovement(not a word) of their put-downs. So, if you don't like what someone is saying, go ahead and tell them, you'll like yourself so much more for doing it. Just ask those who do. But be warned that others don't usually take kindly to it. And if someone voices it to you(opposite side), don't be a jerk, and if you can help it, don't say anything that others would feel the need to do that. That's best. But honestly, that didn't affect things too much, I still had a super great time.

Goodnight

2005-06-25T01:16:00.000-07:00

I'm tired and don't feel like talking about too much.

Today Scott and I hung out, no surprise there. He's a rad guy, why wouldn't I want to do stuff with him? We went swimming twice, yard work, and Halo. Not to mention several good conversations.

I'm tired, and don't feel like talking.

like it's always been

2005-06-24T00:55:00.000-07:00

My shoulder is still very sore from throwing Frisbee’s the other night and it’s become a pretty big nuisance.

This morning I woke up fairly early, around 8:30, but unfortunately that didn't last and I laid in bed, drifting from conscious to unconscious, until I finally decided to get up at 10.

Upon doing so I went downstairs to have the first good breakfast I've had in around a week. It always happens like this, I don't have a set schedule so I end up losing my eating habits and picking up bad ones, like not having breakfast, or not having a good whole breakfast. I definitely slack on lunch compared to during the school year, but dinner am about the same, partly because it’s not my choosing. I think most of this food stuff is because my other habits are changing, my sleeping pattern is out of whack, I am not nearly as physically active as I was during the year, and I don't think about food as much. My time is spent pretty ambiguously and I never really plan anything anymore than an hour ahead.

Today was a lovely day, the weather was very nice, and because of that, I felt today was a swimming day. Firstly Scott and his mom, brother, and I all went to Washington Square mall to shop for some clothes. David didn't get anything, although I gave him wonderful advice. But Scott and I did well for ourselves. He bought a pair of dress pants, jeans, shorts, a dress shirt, and dress shoes; I bought pants, shoes, and exchanged my polo for a smaller size, and because Nordstrom’s didn't have any in the same color my brother bought me, I got a black one. It looks pretty pimp.

So then we went swimming, Scott, Hannah, and I. We went to Brent's, of course. One of these days, we'll go somewhere else, but until another place is available, Brent's it is. It was a pretty nice evening for swimming and the water felt wonderful. I had a good time and it wasn't as third wheel like. And keep in mind, I did attempt at making it a solid 4 person party, but those attempts didn't pan out.

Then after a nice swim, I picked up Megan, and the four of us went to go see Batman Begins. At least, that was the intention. We got there about 15 minutes late and found there was another 15 minutes later, but Megan had to be home at 12, and that movie being 2.5 hours, would put us at nearly 1. This wouldn't work, and we were already late, so we went to Red Robin's had some drinks, then headed off to Mountaindale. If that place sounds familiar to this blog, its because its where Megan and I went on our date a few months ago. Once again the stars were incredibly bright, and the moon was amazingly gold. This time around it was even better, much more comfortable, and a very nice time. FYI, Scott and I both wore I new clothes, so we both looked dashing.

I must warn you, the new shoes I bought.....well...they're converse. I know! I gave in to the pressure of society and bought a pair. But! See, the pair I bought is quite unique, I think I might of only found one more pair in the Rack that were like it, and I've never seen anyone wear them. They're base color is a dark red, sort of wine reddish, then its got eggshellish colored stripes along with white and true red stripes. HERE---->
Trust me, they look good on me. And the fit of the pants is amazing, that’s what I love about Express and the other nice jeans, the fit is sooo good.

I had a ton of fun today, and even more tonight, I'll be doing it again soon.

When will my day come?

2005-06-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

I absolutely hate it when you wake up feeling ill. Today, after getting to bed at 3:45 last night, I woke up at 9:00. Why that early you ask? Well, my sister had an orthodontist appointment that I had to take her to. Now this was one of the, you wake up too fast and get nauseas and feel like throwing up every time you turn your head, morning sicknesses. It was absolutely awful let me tell you, driving while under such circumstances blows. You are moving so fast and things are passing you and you can't help but noticing the churning of acids and your intestines rolling around in your stomach, and then there’s the feeling in your ears where you know that’s the source of the nausea and can feel something sloshing around up there. Goodness, most awful way to start the day.

I went to a temp agency for the real deal today. I'm going to get hired to a short-term job somewhere, hopefully.

I don't even know what more to say about today. I went to Jeff's and Anneliese came over and we played Boggle. That game is pretty fun. I must say. I also went, beforehand, to Evergreen with Jeff and threw some Frisbee. Now my shoulder hurts. I threw left-handed a lot. I'm still feeling somewhat ill and getting tired. I'm tired of thinking; I'm tired of feeling inadequate.

Oh, I never told you, I was up so late because I went and found some ish on the internet. This is was "Forte Clothing." These kids from Glencoe started this company and are so damn creative it pisses me off. They've created not only cool clothing, but a really nice website, and cool graphics, and advertisements. I feel completely untalented and uncreative. I honestly can't think of much I've done that’s original. In fact, basically everything I've created I've taken from other ideas or pictures. MUSIC IS SO HARD FOR ME. I can't be creative, it’s so very frustrating. I quite life for today. I want things to go back to bliss.

I want to know how my life turns out. I want to have a machine that will make me know everything will be okay. Hopefully it would be okay, because if they predicted something terrible, it would most likely have accounted for the fact I saw it, and therefore I couldn't change it, even if I wanted to.

The thing about this creativity deal is I was brought up scientific and mathematical, exact things, not abstract, where you can go anywhere. I hope that’s my reason, not just I'm incredibly untalented. And I want to change that, maybe I ought to go into a dark period where I use large amounts of substances and find something and make it work, then recover and continue the brilliance. Or just keep it going if it works. I need to be classically trained, yet have the abstract thoughts to come up with something great. I hate being precise and needing things to follow a path; it doesn't stratify anything to me. All I will end up with is a clean house, if I even get one, maybe a clean area under the Burnside Bridge. My corner will be spotless though, I'll be the cleanest bum and my signs will promote my cleanliness.

Celebrities have it of well, they get to experience things in life no average person can, or will ever. It's kind of a crappy deal if you think about it in life. Some people work so hard as janitors to support their family and don't have the greatness. And actors with a bit of training and a lot of luck get a superstar show that runs for a decade and makes them bank and they retire young and enjoy life and support a family. Two very different lifestyles and in the end, they both end up in the same place, where ever that may be. Why can't everyone have a good hand? Why do some people have to work so much harder than others to get the same? How do connections get you farther than experience? And I am an ass. I want it all to come easy, yet I complain about people working hard for their success.

I suck.

Not as good as yesterday, at least in the weather

2005-06-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

Today wasn't nearly as nice as yesterday, it was overcast, and I don't like that.

It was a pretty slow day, maybe that weather change was it, but I didn't do nearly as much, or so it seems. I woke up around 11, as I previously stated to Anneliese and Jeff last night. I think I'd like to change that here soon, I'm tired of wasting the early part of the day, I'd love to get up like I did a while back and run at 6, play Frisbee golf around 8, then have the entire day to do whatever I wanted. Instead I'm a lazy bum and I've been sleeping in and wasting the beginning portion of the day.

After I woke up late I slumped around the house, doing nothing in particular until about 3. It was at 3 that I left the house to find a job, or at least go to a temp agency and get applications into them. Well, we only had one success, and we'll be going back tomorrow around 9:30 to get that squared away. While out and about I found my swim trunks that I thought I had lost; they were at Hawthorne in the lost and found. And while at Hawthorne we saw Evan Hiles, that lucky man has a job, a sweet ace job, selling food and drink poolside. How I wish I could have that sweet position.

Thus ends the Job search and begins the evening activities. We start out with Dinner at the Heter's. It was very nice out by then, the sun was somewhat out and it was fairly cool. We had grilled chicken, on a charcoal grill mind you, and that was absolutely delicious. They have a nice family, and you ought to get to know them. That David Heter is quite the pimp. We were walking down main street during Tuesday Market, our next stop, and he girls left and right he knew. I saw a girl I know. We kept on walking, and of course ate seeing as how that’s just about all there is to do at such an event. I had two scoops of ice cream; Chocolate Peanut Butter Chunk, and Cookie Dough in a cup. I am not a big fan of cones, they usual make a mess, limit the amount of time you have to eat your ice cream, aren't comfortable to hold, and aren't that great to eat. It is for these reasons I choose the less hassle cup where I can eat at my own pace, live carefree from worries of spilling the ice cream, and use a spoon. I like spoons.

I also like Watermelon, after the Market we went to Brent's house to play Halo and he had a giant bowl of it. I had three bowls full. I love Watermelon. But of course, after eating such a large quantity I had to restock the nearly empty large bowl. So I kindly cut up the other half of the juicy melon and then, since it was so juicy and made a mess, cleaned the kitchen. After all, we all probably ought to clean his house, we use it so much and the majority of the time he isn't even there. We also probably ought to restock his cereal and Jell-O. I found the secret to making Jell-O is the cool down. If you put it into the freezer and add a few ice cubes you can make it into the gelatin consistency within 30 minutes or so. I prefer the liquidy kind of Jell-O anyways, I don't like when its super firm and jiggler like. Either way, I usually end up turning it back into liquid form in my mouth.

I get a satisfaction from clean, while I don't need it to be there, it's nice to see the counter, or the desk. I think I'm sort of a simplistic type, I don't want much stuff around, of course it has to be livable and not completely empty looking, but I'd like to have my own apartment like Brent. I could see myself like that and it'd be pretty sweet. I'd get my dad, like him, to do the financial stuff involved, but make it a way sweet bachelor pad.

So I've got a play list going for softer easy listening types of songs to go. It's got some good stuff and I like listening to it at this time of night. John Butler Trio is in it, "Peaches and Cream" you should listen to that song of theirs, my brother suggested it to me and I'm happy he did. Then I've got "Carolina" from Ben Gibbard that I am especially fond of, also, I spoke about Griffin House before and he's good, I've got "Tell me a lie" on it. I don't really want to write out any more songs because I've got 35 in it, but its all good, trust me. Total Songs on my iTunes: 4861, and I just recently got that program to get music from Jake's iPod so I'll probably get another 2 thousand from that. Quite a bit of music, and sadly I don't listen to over a third of it. It's kind of a mood thing. I really ought to delete the stuff I don't ever think I'll be in the mood to listen, but I don't want it to be gone if I need it later. Say next year I have the urge to listen to more hard rock, or rap, well then I've got it here on my computer to listen to. Might as well have too much and be able to leave room for change than not and have to come up with new stuff.

This one is longer than most before it (2 pages)

2005-06-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

While someone thinks so, I'd still be okay with being able to change the way I look. It's just something, assuming the technology was available, that I would do. I'd change quite a few things probably, but whatever, it’s not going to happen, so don't you worry.

Today was pretty fun. I woke up at a lazy 10 o'clock, got dressed and headed to Les Schwab to get my tire fixed. First off, I had absolutely no idea it was so nice inside that place, they've got chairs, tables, magazines, newspapers, then all the tire stuff to occupy your time with. It wasn't like the Jiffy Lube waiting rooms where its all grime-o and you don't know if its okay to touch anything, it was completely sanitary there and comfortable.

Then, the weather was absolutely lovely! Scott, Hannah, Megan, Matt, and I, then later Courtney, and Melissa all went down to Brent's apartment and swam. People let me tell you one thing, today’s weather was amazing, the perfect swimming weather, nice and warm and sunny and tanning. The water wasn't too cold that you were uncomfortable, but it was enough to cool you off. The company was great as well.
Then we went to the 7-11 by Burgerville, home of the slurpee's, and concocted an amazingly delicious mix of every flavor they had. That was tasty as all get up.
Then I mowed the lawn, and got more tan, and before that I had a nice little chat with Scott's dad. After all of that I hung around the house, cooling off, playing Halo, and somehow (I honestly don't know how this happened), but I lost to Dee dee. She is a girl and a 14 year old at that. How did she beat me? She cheated; shotguns always overtake SMG's. Anyways, I was a proud loser and drifted off to other activities that I didn't get frustrated with.

Then Anneliese calls within five seconds of me AIM her away message, fantastic turn around time. She comes over and Jeff joins. She is unlike any girl with her far different ideas and crazy beliefs. Of course that isn't really a negative its what makes her who she is and I like who she is, but tonight it drove me crazy! I don't understand at all her ideas and that’s very strange. She has this idea of kissing that I didn't get, and the misunderstanding continued through other conversations. But you tell me this, is the kiss I mentioned yesterday from the TV highly passionate and romantic, or completely sexual? And how do you decipher the difference between the two? What is romantic and what is sexual, and what are examples of them. She thought the kiss was sexual, I found it highly passionate and romantic. I'm a dreamer, she's a realist. That's where I fine little disagreements arise from.
Now don't think these are heated arguments, while I am passionate about my thoughts, I get more frantic perhaps is the word, I don't know, exasperated is even better. Either way, I don't get mad at all, it’s more out of fun, to talk about something.
It makes you think though, it’s sort of arguing for the sake of arguing, or disagreeing rather, arguments seem more negative. Either way, It’s usually what ends up being discussed, that or, hopelessly shallow attempts at being "deep" or so they feel. Its like, "well what really is...." Like we're discussing the meaning of life type of faux-deep. Either way it’s all entertaining and enjoyable. It's just different than anything I talk about with anybody else. I don't get into these thoughts or ideas, I talk about much more normal things with other people.
Here's one of the topics of tonight’s dialogue and it stems from the kiss debate; How do you show someone how much you care about them? My deal is, I can love people, like really care about them, but not be in love, and I can't really express it and get the satisfaction I want. I can say, "I love you" but I don't feel satisfied. I can hug, but that’s not enough. I haven't kissed, but it’s not really that sort of relationship, its only friends, so anything more isn't in the picture. So how do you do it? I can't say it, write it, or show it seems, and those are the only ways known to man. It’s frustrating not being able to express it in a way that satisfies me. I guess that part doesn't matter though. As Anneliese pointed out there are different ways of showing love, as says a book she's read/is reading, and if the accepting party is okay with what I'm doing, then they're getting it alright and despite my feelings, they're feeling loved. Maybe it’s the being loved back part that'd make it more satisfying.

This is tough stuff. Now I've read some old passages of mine and they seem for fun and better reading. My voice is far superior to this slush I create these days, and the vocabulary was much more exciting. I don't know what’s changed in these past few months but I'm not feeling as witty. Too bad.

Oh did I mention how lovely it was outside today?! It was amazing. Absolutely flawless skies of blue and bright glowing sun. It beat down on me just right, hopefully producing a fabulous REAL tan, not like the fake'n'bakers of our generation. While I may be more apt to skin cancer, at least I enjoyed myself in the process and don't pose like the others do. God it was lovely outside.

Ah! Another noticeable change of mine. People who said god like I just did used to bug me, like why is it necessary? It doesn't need to be there, but now I don't care and it is natural to say. I apologize if I offend anyone by saying it, but what can you do? Actually I could not do it anymore, but where is the fun in that, it’s like the people who ruin having schools celebrate religious holidays because of their solely different ideals. Somewhat ironic, my analogy and the topic of conversation. Anywho, I don't feel very religious these days, and I don't know what I think. Part of me is completely content and doesn't feel bad, the other part, mostly my caring of my grandparents feelings towards it makes me feel bad and as though I truly should want to be more so. I don't know what changed for me, I honestly can't even say what I believe in. To some I'm a terrible person for this, and to others I'm fine. To those who think I'm terrible, whatever I hate you anyways, stupid Whitie, Evangelical Christians, the type who are so hardcore they are hypocritical with their behaviors and can actually walk up to someone and say, "do you know you're going to hell because you're gay? How does that make you feel?" WAIT! WHAT?! No way!

I'm having to be very careful tonight to cover my tracks. Now I don't hate all religious people, not every Christian, not Jews, nobody specifically. The ones I hate are the stereotypical, southern, white, evangelical Christians, who are so hardcore it’s ridiculous. I only dislike them because of how strong their conviction is of others wrongs. I say, everyone is partly right, there is probably something up there that made things work out, but don't go hating others for their different beliefs, unless they give you reason like the people I've mentioned. I sound hypocritical myself, but I can't explain it well at all. In fact! I bet Buddhist’s are right, we're all going to find that out when we're dead.

Yep, I'd like that

2005-06-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

My Dad is awesome and we have quite a good relationship. Today we drove down to Mac to play golf with my brother Josh. If I didn't suck up like two of the holes, I'd have done great, I'm getting better each time, and considering I've only been out three times this year, I'd say I'm doing well. My dad is a funny guy. He tells me one thing, to help me do better, and then doesn't follow his own instructions. After that lovely round we came home and had a barbeque. My present was revealed and all was wondrous. Who doesn't want Stargate Season 5, 6, AND 7 all at once? Now his collection is complete, until the next season comes out on DVD.
I want to go to the beach, and I want to spend the night there. I want people to be able to come and I don't want any bad things to happen. I'm okay with a Chaperone even though it’s stupid that we'd need one. Everyone is almost 18 and therefore self-sufficient enough to spend a night at the coast by themselves. Camping isn't too hard, or dangerous in such a big group, assuming if I went I'd take a big group. Most of all I want it to be semi-warm, have a nice fire going, and watch the stars. I want it to be like Mexico, my goodness how I loved it down there. Walking down the beach with my music going, alone at 10 o'clock with nothing but the moonlight to light my way. How can you get it to be any better except maybe add female company? Speaking of which, I saw the MTV movie awards the other day, and I saw the part where Best Kiss was given out, and it was from the notebook, and the way they accepted it was amazing. Firstly I want to look like Ryan Gosling, even better would be Brad Pitt, but this Gosling fellow isn't too shabby, that’s right I looked up his name, and set up such a kiss. It was good people, I sound pretty lame, a guy commenting on this kiss on TV, but honestly, I'm jealous. It's in myspace pictures, a picture of it, that’s how much I want it to happen. But it's still weird thinking you're shoving your face into someone. One day my friends, one day it will happen to me, and I'll look as good as him, after I buffen up so I don't look like a stick.
This past paragraph is an interesting one; I'm sure it’s amusing to you all. Now I'm going to go to bed and think wonderful dreams of warm weather, sand, the moon, and cuddling. PEACE OUT.

It's rough, trust me...

2005-06-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Men have it hard in one way that no woman ever can, when getting out of a pool or hot-tub, they have to be especially careful. See, the shorts cling in the water, and if you stand straight up, people are going to see stuff, like tonight. I couldn't find my boardshorts anywhere, so I wore my racing shorts, the ones from cross country. Now those things are as thin as they get and when wet, basically turn into skin. So when exiting Jessi's hotub it was difficult, and lots of people either saw stuff, or laughed at how awkward I looked, and all the guys looked for that matter. It's just not easy to get out gracefully without showing too much off. Justin and I believe it will be the next Olympic sport, you get points for quickness, the actual job done, and grace. If you can do all of that you've mastered the getting out. girls don't have to worry about this, so they are lucky. And ladies, if you're ever curious, go swimming with a guy and watch them get out.
That aside, I looked good in my shorts and the girls recognized.
Then I went and played frisbee golf again and did well and had fun. I enjoy frisbee golfing, almost half as much as golfing. Now, its not to say I dislike frisbee golf, it truly is fun, but real golfing is that much more fun.
Today I also got my dad some sweet ace Father's day gifts, and went to Matt Haide's grad party. I like matt, he's a good guy, so ladies, if you're in search of the ultimate man in: sweetness, sincerity, caring, good-looks, modesty, proper ediquite, and overall awesome, go for Matt Haide.

I lost a sock tonight

2005-06-18T00:28:00.000-07:00

Today hasn't been too shabby at all. It started out better than before because when I went to get my passport, it all went smoothly and I actually got the application in. So in about 6 weeks I'll have this lovely little book with all of my information in it for all the official types to check out. And when I get over to Deutschland I'll be using that puppy. My goodness I pretty much get more and more excited by the day. It's going to be an absolutely fantastic time and I can't wait to get there and hang out with Scott, check out the sites, clubs, woman, bars, and the like.
I get a very good feeling from having a clean house, and by cleaning it I get this feeling, so obviously I do it, and today was one of those days, I even ventured into the garage and tidied that up a bit. That and watching TV took up most of my afternoon.
Then tonight I went with Scott and Megan to go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Let me tell you, that movie a damn good movie. First of all, I'll admit brad Pitt is a very good looking man and I'd be alright looking like him. Not to mention the fact he had ridiculously nice clothes in that movie. He always had an overcoat for his suit jackets, and his suits were ridiculously nice as was their house. My goodness there house was amazing, and I actually thought Angelina Jolie was attractive in this one, normally I can't say I'm a fan. Pretty much, if I could live in that movie I would. I'd be John Smith and have an amazing life with tons of money and tons of awesome things because obviously material possessions are the only thing of importance in life.
I lost a sock tonight, I hope I find it.
I also bought a pie with Megan and Scott and it was good. It was strawberry covered in chocolate and whipped cream, and we bought it from Marie calendars. That ish is good.
Then I ran into Elyse and Vanessa, and it made me really want to go camping next weekend. Before I was pretty apprehensive, but my whole mood changed tonight, it was enjoyable. And now I'm off to bed, goodnight to you all. It was an amazing night for star gazing too. That moon was freaking huge.

To the new stuff.....

2005-06-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of music, and crappyness. It started out with most everything in my life not working, usually involving electronics, and that really upset me. I got pretty distraught and had a mini melt down in my room where I quit everything, and turned up the music really loud and listened to several bands for the next two hours or so. Then I unwound even more with more music and video games. That really helped as far as being stressed out and then I went to cut wood with Scott. Unfortunately the stupid rain showed up so we couldn't, so we ended up just hanging out until now.
I pretty much lied to myself, and others, beforehand by saying I'd stay in touch. I'm not planning on calling lots of people, of course there are the people I will be calling, I haven't had a chance to get together with most of them lately, but I want to in the upcoming weeks. I really don't even care anymore, I'm leaving, they're staying, or leaving elsewhere, it happens. I pretty much want to go away anyways, not just to U of O because that isn't far at all, now looking at this Guinness sweatshirt of mine, I want to go to Ireland even more than before. Too bad I won't be, unlike the words that had been exchanged between a certain individual and I said. Meh, I'm going to Deutschland, if I ever get my passport. I wasn't aware you can't pay by cash, and a license isn't good enough proof of ID. Oh well, I'll figure something out.
I owe my brother for the new music I've been listening to, I downloaded a program that I can transfer all his music from his Ipod onto my computer, so now I've got all his new music, like this band Elbow, a good band. I've got the House V CD with Ben Gibbard and Andrew Kenny, and Griffin House that Patrick had showed me but I didn't have all the songs. I'm definitely in a more soft sound these days. Acoustics or mellow rock stuff. There is of course Jack Johnson of whom I didn't like to begin with. When everyone was talking about him a year or two ago I didn't really like it and wondered what they big deal was and even when his new CD came out I thought he was overrated, but you know what? I was wrong; he is really good and makes good music. I like his stuff a lot. Radiohead is still in, but I haven't listened to everything else yet. It’s pretty awesome to think that these people have followers wherever in the world. I mean, this band Elbow, I'd never heard of them, but now I really like them and so now, they've got someone from little ole Hillsboro, Oregon who listens to what they work hard on. It's got to be a good feeling to have that sort of thing going on. If I knew people liked my music enough to listen to it, I'd feel pretty good, even if it was short-lived. Then there is a person like Elliot Smith who must not even realize it, because I like him a lot, but he died. I mean, if he knew I liked him, he probably would have stayed alive and felt something to live for, and I’m obviously worth living for. hahaha, I had to go with that, when I said the first part it sounded conceited to me, so there goes the rest.
Watch out if you've got a friend who is dating someone. If you hang out with them you'll feel left out. And it’s not something that they should feel sorry for you, or stop there cutesiness for, it’s just something you ought to avoid. You'll probably either feel like you're getting in the way, or it'll be a little awkward. But hey! there is always that little dog around somewhere, or the stuffed animals.
Also, I've realized once again something about my romanticism; I'm more like a good consultant than a good romantic. I can come up with these super fresh neat ideas, but I'd never do them, I'm too chicken to do them. It's like a guy who writes romantic novels, he lives through those probably, making up his fantasies or whatever they are, but never has anything like them. I could probably write a book on ideas that men with balls could carry out, but I will never myself do them. Despite what I said, I don't know that I want a girlfriend. At least, I can't see myself with one, it'd be so different. I can say I wish I had one, and maybe mean it, but when I think about it, the reason I don't make a move is because when I picture it, its not what I can see happening. I'd surely hope this would change, and of course I've met an exception or two, but I was usually too late.
Exceptions....There are exceptions to everything in the world. Except, as Jeff (he's the only one who'd ever think of this I am pretty sure) that there is no exception to the rule that there is an exception to everything. It'll make your head hurt, don't think about it, Jeff is a freaking ridiculous kid.
I only had planned on writing a short paragraph, then it changed to this long deal. Sorry if I bore you, but you don’t have to read it if you don’t want.

Not too shabby for the first day of summer.

2005-06-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

The first day. I'm pretty content with how my first day of summer went. Yesterday night was good too. I went out around 10:00 and went for a three mile run with my brother, and that was nice. I haven't run in a long time and it was great to get back into it.
Then today I woke up late for my lawn mowing service at my grandparent’s house, so I booked it over there and ended up killing a sprinkler head in the process. Then I went home, ate some grub, and then pimped out my Brother Jake's car. Man oh man is it sweet now. We've got an aero bed in that sucka, the walls are lined with sheets to block out light, candles, food, tons of blankets. Basically, where ever he is camping this week, he's living in comfort.
Back to yesterday for a bit, we went golfing at my Brother Josh's house, and that was a lot of fun, in fact, we're going back tomorrow.
Then after pimping the ride, I cleaned my car so now its basically spotless, and went on to playing video games until dinner, where I had some delicious Cherry and Lime Jell-O with real cherries in it, Probably the best food you'll ever have.
Then on to Jeremy's baseball game, where he performed at his average. Then to the Gym where we swam until the pool closed (fifteen minutes after we got there) then played Basketball. Swimming is so much harder than I ever remember it being.
Then I moved to Brent's and played Halo, harassed Justin, and watched fresh prince of bel air, man I love that show. I love will smith pretty much.

The Day After

2005-06-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I graduated and that is very neat. The whole ceremony was kind of surreal, all of us seniors sitting around getting this little red folders with absolutely nothing in them, clapping as our fellow classmates shook the administrators hands, and then filing back into their seat. When it was all said and done we had either stood or sat for about 2 hours.
Then came the all night grad party. It was in probably one of the most sketchy areas of portland I've never seen before. They had roller skating, swimming with slides and rope swings, blow up toys, music, gambling, and other cool stuff. The pool was probably the most fun thing, I spent the majority of the time there, like an hour and a half or two. The rest was spent either skating, which was super sweet, or blow up toying it. It was really fun. I didn't get home until about 6:30 and then didn't want to sleep so decided I'd like to do yardwork. But apparently it was too early for the neighbors, so I went to bed. I slept until about 3:30 ish and then had my little grad party. That was a good time and now I'm still awake. I'm going to play video games

Summer will work out

2005-06-10T00:33:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty good day. The senior assembly for the gradudation deal wasn't too bad at all, then we had a delicious barbeque where I got to bond with the coolios. I haven't talked much with Mike Barnett until today and that was nice, good ole PB kids. then we went to bubble tea and that was a pretty good time, and I came home and cleaned and I'm pretty sure thats what I can do best, spend hours upon hours cleaning and making things look nice. Then I went to the Uptons and ate food with them and cleaned dishes there. I like clean. I really like clean glass most of all. Then we watched Upton family videos and it makes me wish we had videos of me when I was a young tike. We have from 94 and up, but its mostly big events, not everyday kinds of thigns.
Tonight Kyler made me miss my mom a lot. She's at the grandparents and trying to recover, but I haven't thought of how much of a bum deal she's got until tonight. I love her a lot and its not at all fair.
I also reconnected with an old friend.
Oh and it was brought to my attention that peopel actually write letters to their future spouse. How ridiculous is that?! You don't even freaking know them, thats absolutely crazy, and telling them, "I resisted temptations today becuase I thought of you." NOT EVEN POSSIBLE! Absolute crazy talk, crazy crazy. As is saying "I miss you already" Don't ever say it, its lame. you can say, "I'm going to miss you so very much" but never I miss you already, thats sappy and dumb.
And I love stars, and wish that I could be up there amongst them, with a freaking dog, since thats all I can get. I big soft cuddly dog, or a polar bear. I've always wanted to befriend a Polar Bear.

Well, lets gets married...

2005-06-08T23:32:00.000-07:00

While I still have to go to school tomorrow to practice graduation, its not really school, and that means today was the last day of high school, and that means tonight was the start of summer. So I kicked it off well with a nice evening of swimming, ice cream, and Halo 2.
Right after school I went out with Scott and Hannah and got some food, then off to home for yardwork, then car washing at scotts, then swimming at Brents apartment. That was alright, I'd rather have more female accompanyment, but its partly my fault for not calling them, as well as the Bacheloriates fault for taking up so many of the girls, but mostly my fault for being a chicken.
Oh! And Danika Bamberg is getting married! Holy crap kids! 18 and getting married! thats insane, I haven't even had a girlfriend, let alone found 'the one' to marry. Wow.
In the past months I've been in so many situations as the third wheel its ridiculous. Honestly, its been at least 10. I freaking hate that shit. Boyfriend girlfriend, or boy and girl connecting, and then David and....the couch...the dog...the stuffed animal. I can't ever make a freaking move to be with a girl, so I'm not helping at all. Mrs. Perfect can come into my life at anytime.

Andrew Bond and the tatoo

2005-06-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

i only had two collages done for my senior art show this morning, but after working on another all day i finished it and got three out there, a much better number. I didn't get to sleep until 2:30 last night, that sucked. Today was a very boring and useless day but tomorrow will be better, and wednesday even better, and thursday even better than that, until we Climax this week at Friday with graduation.
The slideshow went really well, I spent about 12 hours scanning all of about 300 pictures. Katie did a great job putting it all together and tonight worked out well.
I've been getting money for graduation and thats really nice. I think I've got it from six people now already.
I hung out with an unlikely crowd today after things, it was Andrew, Katie, Jill, Ryan, Luke, which isn't too unlikely, but then it was like 15 other kids like Cam Johnson and Kyle Orton and Roger Braker and such. It was fine though, and every minute Andrew is even more awesome than he has been before. Cool kid that Andrew Bond, and now he has a tatoo that he drew himself. Kudos to him for that.

It's a radiohead listening day

2005-06-02T23:16:00.000-07:00

My mood as of late is annoyance I'd say. I'm tired of a lot of things, tired of crappy school where I waste my time, tired of stupid people, and tired of even more stupid people and their stupid situations.
Lately gossip, partly because of the play I'm in, has become more apparent to me and it just pisses me off. Why can't people say nice things about others? And this is where it’s hard, because I'm not doing it, but it’s more because of my emotions maybe? Or not, so maybe I'm a hypocrite, but it just seems useless to put others down. Oh so and so is so annoying, blah blah blah. I hate it when people talk about me, and I hate it when people talk about people I care about. How about a little respect for others? I don't get why so many people have to suck.
And that’s the other thing; sometimes these sucky people are really great. It's like they have two sides to them and I wish they'd show more of the loving happier, less crappy side. Sometimes a person can be fantastic, and then others and I've noticed this through other directors and such during these one acts, they can be completely ridiculous. As soon as power is thrusted into their hands its okay to be a big ass. People obviously have to respect them, but it’s alright for them not to respect others. People have to be quite for them, but they can be as loud as they wish. It's so two-sided and so stupid. This is why I'm happy to leave. I'll get away from that shit and enjoy the company of those who can treat others well.
That leads me into more gossip crap. Stuff floated around about Scott and it was all a load of crap and now everyone is trash talking him and what not, even people I sort of like, but when they do that I want to punch them in the face. They have no idea and base it all off of a lie and then say hurtful things. I'd say mind your own business.
Here's the other thing, its all girls doing the gossip. Imagine that, it’s mostly girls as well that are being the power hunger fools too. Some guys are involved, but majority are females, and what’s that about? All I want is for other people to respect one another. Stop being asses, bitches, and dicks. And for those who aren't and are fun and cool, way to be and way to stay above it all.
Most of all I hate hurting other people's feelings. Say whatever you want about me, I'm fine, I'll deal, but when I hurt other people, or other people hurt my friends and such, that’s just not okay. I've got Scott's back, and if you don't agree, I'll knock yo ass out with kindness. Oh I'm so ready to get out of this crappy place, goodbye high school and 95% of the people I interact within it.
I guess i could have gotten away with, "I don't appreciate people acting in the ways they have lately" and "we ought to learn to respect each other."
Ooh, that’s there too, I have no backbone, I'm a pansy biatch and so I can't stand up for anyone. I could have easily said, "I'm sorry, but I don't appreciate you talking about my friend like that, etc, would it be alright if I asked you to not to?" That can be completely considerate of everyone involved and can't hurt anyone’s feelings, the most common thing I'd probably hear would be, "Who the hell are you?" or, "Shut up David" but whatever, they'd stop, or be even more annoying about it, then I'd just have to shiv them, and shiv them I would.

venting has ceased.

I AM KING

2005-06-02T00:41:00.000-07:00

I've just now finished scanning all of the pictures for the senior slideshow, I started yesterday and worked for about two hours, tonight it was much longer, from 8:30 to now, making it about 6 hours. I think the best way to show how much time has elapsed is to say how much music you listened to in that time, so I say to you, I listened to the Garden State Soundtrack, Muse, Death Cab for Cutie then Led Zeppelin 1,2, and 3. And if you checked it, thats just shy of 5 hours, so obviously I spent about an hour in breaks, walking around doing stuff. my eyes hurt, goodnight.

Part 1 of the reflection

2005-05-31T23:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is too early to be doing, I do have seven more days of school, but for the time let’s reflect on the past four years of my life.
I can't say much about freshman year, back then I was a goober, those were the days when I actually tried and cared, and before Patrick influences. It was in Mr. Meuweson's World Studies class that I met Patrick and Scott and their, mostly Patrick’s, habits rubbed off on me. His, "I don't care" attitude seemed pretty good by me, and so I stopped making school the thing. Overall in school I never really tried. I'm probably one of the worst studiers in the world, I just don't have good study habits. I read over something, don't really process it, and then call it good. Its other things that I occupy my time with, like the computer. This computer being in my room for the past few years has seriously deteriorated my school habits. All I did sophomore and junior year was IM and play around on the internet. Sure I'd get by with classes, but that’s where I'm lucky, my 3.8 whatever GPA is not earned, it's been gained without much effort at all. It's probably not exactly fair because of that, but that’s the way life is. Some people have talent, and some never will. The only thing is, I wish I had tried. I hope I will. I know if I do try, I could be absolutely great. I can't remember much from freshman year really. I remember World Studies because of Patrick and I do remember panicking the most I ever have for a final in that same class. Elizabeth Dissen was in that class, she was also in my English class, and that’s when I fake married her. So I've got that. In math I had Roofdawg and lots of older kids. My class was a few freshman, lots of sophomores, and a few older kids. Scott Richards was in that class. We used to be really good friends, but now he's at college and you can't expect much from that. I'm sure we'll still talk during summers when we come back, but it won't be like it was, being neighbors made it really easy for us to be best friends for the 9 or so years. What else can I remember of freshman year? I remember trying out for Student Council and not making it and being horribly disappointed by that. I gave the worst least creative speech ever, and I lost to Corrin. She cut her hair, and that's why people gave her the votes, I should have made it on. Things would have changed a lot earlier if I had, whereas it took me a few years to grow out of the little shell I had, that would have done it in one. I wasn't really close to upperclassmen back then, nor was I ever. It seems like things are changing quite a bit in that respect. For one I remember I'd never challenge my brother, or at least get away with it, he'd always end up overpowering me, as would all older kids so I wouldn't even challenge them anymore, but these days, the younger kids are acting as equals of the older kids, that never happened to me. I was always less than my brother and his friends, and never tried to befriend them, he had his things, and I had mine, but now lots of my friend’s siblings are common friends of my friends. I also know, and interact, with a lot of underclassmen, I never had that when I was one. The most I got was my brother and his closest friends, and that was rare. Then junior year on student council I befriended, apprehensively, most all of the seniors. That’s when I began to get out and actually make more friends outside of the close ones I had. Freshman year was also a big year for growing away from middle school friends, and closer to others. Jake Unger and I used to be really great friends, but as he went in to sports, I went in to the, well non sporty groups, not even academics just there kind of. I didn’t even have a life back then. But now I’m hungry, I'll add to this later.

no name #3

2005-05-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

so I haven't been writing much in my blogs lately. I can't say I've really felt like it. It's not that there isn't much going on, in fact, quite a bit went on. Like yesterday Scott and I rode our bikes around for a bit and ended up at hannah's. Then we played airsoft with her brother for a few hours, then came home. Then we got up today and went out to big five and made an uneducated decision of buying a cheap gun. Turns out that gun doesn't work well for long range shots, or any shots longer than 75 feet or so. But it's a semi-automatic, so I will keep it as a backup gun when I run out of ammo on the rifle I'll buy later on.
Summer is super close, and that will be sweet. I'm feeling lots of day trips places, and maybe even couple daylong trips to places. Camping is going to have to happen. Fun will be had, that is for sure. I've run out of stuff to talk about.

sun=good

2005-05-29T00:06:00.000-07:00

I didn't die today, and thats reason enough to call it a pretty good day. But, it also turned out fairly well otherwise. I played Halo 2 with Brent, his friend, Scott, and Patrick last night until 5:30 this morning. Then I fell asleep for three hours and got up to go do my grandparents lawn. Then I became the worlds greatest coach. My cousin is having trouble with baseball so I took him to Jackson and we worked on skills. Now he's going to be amazing. Then the rest of the day was alright. I'm tired. DZ OUT.
Oh, also, this past week has been pretty good. It's been sunny so thats a great thing.

Keeping it real, keeping it short

2005-05-24T23:51:00.000-07:00

I truly love our student council skits; I only wish we did them more often. We have a clever bunch of kids working on them and it really shows at these sorts of assemblies. I am also ready to not do stuff for the rest of my life...maybe I can be a beach bum. I'll take up surfing. I'm interested to see what next year will bring. More awesome people around me, I'm alright with leaving all traces of Glencoe, people and all, even the close ones. I don't know what it is, maybe its all just words, maybe next year I'll really start to miss everyone, or maybe its not, and I really won't. The only people I need to stay with me is my family, everyone else can move in and out.
The thing is, I won't lose connections, and that's probably part of it. I've got this, people can talk to me here, or on myspace, or on AIM. The internet will bring my old friends back to me; of this I have no doubt.
I'm feeling pretty much as free as they come. Anything I truly want to do I can and that's nice. Right now I feel like going to bed.

When automobiles had glass-cut vases

2005-05-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

I've recently been told I might have ridiculously high expectations in woman and relationships. If this is true, which I am not sure of, it could explain a lot. Firstly, lets examine the situation, do I have high expectations? Well, I do have ideas that flow through my head about good ideas for relationships and girls to fill those relationships. And I could see where if I didn't meet "the" girl, the whole thing would be different than I dreamt it. So maybe it is true. If it is, that might explain the lack of love interests in my life, not on my side, on the opposing. But there is the fact I've been denied thrice, meaning that i wasn't good enough in the situation, and not the other way around. So its all iffy.
What I do know is that today went decently well. The sun came out, and for that I was happy. The big day killer was Leadership when drama arose between two people. It wasn't pleasant, and I got involved and it wasn't fun. It's something I thought I'd left behind in middle school, but apparently stupid stuff happens still. It's out of the way and for that I'm happy. We're having the assembly tomorrow for the Spring Tide deal and that will be good, as will the lunch that will ensue later this week.
The weather was nice, very sunny. I bought a suit today, a three piece green suit, along with an off-white yellowish shirt, and a brown tie and shoes. All of this was 40 dollars, quite a bit of money coming from Goodwill, but worth it. I loved that I walked into the place, we all picked out suits together (Myself, Jeff, Tony, Thomas, and Vallie, our one-act group), got a handful of them and went to the back, I said, hmm, which one looks like it'd fit me? Okay, this one. And that was all there was to it. I tried it on, it fit perfectly looks great, and I'm happy of that. After doing that we rode around, went to Petco and played around while Vallie filled out an application, and soon afterwards it was 7. Time really flew, partly why the day was so good. I love summer, and here it comes.
Scott bought an Ipod photo, and that is a good thing. I'm on my way out now, and while leaving for the night I'll listen to Damien Rice. Goodnight Eyore, goodnight moon, goodnight all.

The weekend after weekend-long lacuna

2005-05-22T23:21:00.000-07:00

This is my time to reflect on the weekend and I really only have one thought, it sucked. Saturday was an awful deco day followed closely by 5 hours of yard work on one lawn. Five hours because I forgot about my grandparents lawn (and they live in Washington half of the time) for three or four weeks, meaning the grass was up to my knee. Also, due to torrential rains, the grass had been pressed towards the ground and sopping wet. This made it super hard to mow and it clumped easily. To start I didn't even have a motorized mower, just a push, and that wasn't even going to make a mark. I used a weed whacker to cut it down to a decent length and that took a couple hours. Then I broke a mower somehow during transport and it wouldn't start. So I had to locate another mower and bring it there. I did that and when I go to cutting it just pushed the grass down, got clumped (it was raining which made the grass stick to the mower) so I had to unclog it every five minutes and it'd shoot onto the grass making even more grass press towards the ground. So I had to rake the grass to get it to stand that was hard to do. After working until about 8:30 I called it a day, and considering how it looked when I came it was good. I should have taken a picture before I started, it was a site indeed.
This was Saturday. Oh yes, I watched my cousin break-dance in his recital as well as Megan Inayoshi. That was pretty good, Jeremy got his back to 6 inches off the ground when he did his Matrix thing, that was pretty rad. Megan's dances were good as well, she is quite the dancer. Megan you are quite the dancer.
Sunday comes around and it's raining again, so what do I do? Of course I head back to my grandparents and fix up their lawn even more. So I spend three more hours at their house that includes cleaning up the huge mess from everything that I made. Note that on a normal excursion to their house it takes me about an hour to mow and edge and pull weeds, that's when I go every weekend. So of course it is completely my fault for creating so much work, but what can you expect of a teenager who doesn't enjoy doing work, had prom, and who lives in a wet climate, and forgets things as quickly as you say them. Not even kidding, Scott asked me for a cookie the other day, and while I was going to get it, I had forgotten who I got it for and handed it to Jeff. So how could I possibly remember mowing a lawn every week when it’s been wet and stuff? Can't is the answer, I can't.
That’s why this weekend has sucked. I haven't done anything fun. I doubt school will be fun, its pretty much sucked last week. Its funny how quickly things turn from alright to crappy. School has made things crappy lately.

Life, War, and Death

2005-05-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

It's kind of funny how a day can suck, then certain people can make it amazing. Today pretty much sucked the first half of it, more than that, until about 8. Then after deciding I might as well go, I went to the Choir Concert and really enjoyed myself. Not only did I see the REP and Ben-Ben, I also saw Allison and Christine, and Nic and Paulina! Paulina is back and that's pretty exciting. I didn't even know the girl really, she's just an acquaintance, but she's rad and her being back is rad. The mood of the whole deal was high and I really had a good time. Allison is back from college and that pleases me the most.
I love talking to Jeff, we are pretty similar in our thoughts and tonight was just that. It was pretty cool.
I've noticed that I'm fairly independent of others. I don't feel the need to rely on other people, or make people happy anymore. Because as I've been noticing, it doesn't matter. If I want a miracle, I'll make it happen. If anything is going to change, it'll be because I did it. It's come with the loss of faith I think, or the acknowledgment that not much was there in the first place. I think before I always pretended to believe because it was never really strong. I never felt a direct connection with anyone and it made it really hard. And the fact I'm analytical by nature makes it hard, I need proof. So I don't know if I'm saying I don't believe in God, I just don’t know if it’s the same one everyone else does. I’m pretty sure something is there; I don’t think it’s possible for there to be such thing as we were made by chance. That just seems too unlikely.
I’ve also been thinking, because of tomorrow, of WWII. I’ve always thought more of it than any of the other major wars in our history, maybe second to the Civil War, but WWII is just one of the wars I really believe in. I sort of feel as though I’ve been born in the wrong decade and I should be there, or have been there. I wish I could have enlisted with those men, and fought that war for the country. These days I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in the Iraq war, its all for oil. Our leadership is not great and doesn’t leave much to trust in. We’re on a steady decline in society. All around. We used to talk more eloquently, now its dribble. We used to be more classic beautiful rather than fake. Leaders used to be true leaders instead of faces. I agree with Ferris when he said, we’ve got it all wrong these days. Back in the day, WWII and such, leader meant, they led by example, did it first, went in to the battle first, and so on. Today its just a position. Leaders don’t act. All of this decline in society is even more reason to want to be in a different decade. I could have done well back then, I would have done better than now. It’s a shame its not how things are.
Also, on topic of war, with it comes death. And thinking about it, if I was a parachuter during war it’s very probable that I’d die. I’d like to imagine I could be the Hero type from the books we’ve read and the stories we’ve heard, and I am hoping with every part of my body that I could rise up to that challenge, but its probable that I’d be one of the ones shot before I hit the ground, or on the ground. And so, I’d accept it. Life isn’t a big deal, its usually taken way too seriously, and while I am in no way accelerated my death, I could accept it now. I’m not afraid I guess. It’d be a shame losing 90% of my life, but hey, things will go on. So in the time being I’m going to try to stay as long as possible here on earth, but when it comes, I won’t be afraid, I hope.